Five Love Languages Journal: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment To Your Mate

ISBN: 1881273717
ISBN 13: 9781881273714
By: Gary Chapman

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Christian Currently Reading Favorites Marriage Non Fiction Nonfiction Psychology Relationships Self Help To Read

About this book

Writing helps a person remember a concept, prompt an action, or reflect on God's goodness in your life. How did you do this week on keeping your mate's love tank full? Now you can keep track of your thoughts, feelings, progress, and your mate's love tank with The Five Love Languages Journal . Each section of the journal has a corresponding chapter head that follows the classic book by Dr. Gary Chapman. Following that is a quote for reflection, several thought-provoking questions, and a relevant Scripture verse. Interspersed are areas for journalizing about personal experience with love and loved ones. Use the entries to spark communication, or to keep as a private retreat. The journal's duotone faux leather will appeal to both men and women. A satin ribbon is sewn in for place-holding. Those who have made The Five Love Languages a multi-million seller will find this brand addition a most welcome value.<br>

Reader's Thoughts

Msmeemee

this book is a tool through which the author, gary chapman, can play out his jesus-complex disguised as a relationship self-help book. there are references from the bible throughout almost every chapter and gary likes to include generous praise from his clients who call him a "miracle worker." it's damn-near pretty close to being called god.the book has all the hallmarks of a bestseller: easy to read (i read it in one day); hopeless circumstances that seem beyond repair; and an uplifiting ending. the more bestsellers i read, the more i realize that the formula for mainstream media isn't just used in music and movies, it's used in books, too. ugh, how annoying. i admit, i was almost sold on it, too. the author used just the right amount of despair and at the appropriate moments, instilled hope for a better future. and while hope isn't bad at all, the book lacks in addressing the complexity of relationships as well as the diversity of relationships in today's world. for example, this book may not translate well in multicultural relationships that are dictated by a whole different set of mores and values. also, i wonder how it would be relevant to queer couples or polyamourous relationships. it's quite apparent that this book is meant for hetero-white-christian-monogamous couples.but the one major caveat of this book that isn't so much a caveat as a poorly disguised advocate of misogyny, is the case of a woman who has been abused (what type of abuse has been perpetrated isn't made explicit and gary's reluctance to do so makes me suspicious of how the church deals with issues of domestic violence). gary's advice? dismiss any of your own feelings of discomfort (being used for sex) and have sex with your husband as an act of love and hope that he will reciprocate that love. and what i don't understand is how people have overlooked this, even people who are in the psychology field. that's one thing he doesn't really address, how to identify your limits and make compromises. if you can't see the problem with this picture, i pray you never get married. or have a relationship. or speak to people.the gender roles in this book are fucking archaic. there's this little section where gary talks about the gender differences in sexual desire. according to him, these differences are all physiologically based. men simply have more tension built-up as a result of massive sperm generation whereas women don't, and that is why women don't crave sex the way men do. instead, women only want sex if their men meet their emotional needs. what, do men not need to have their emotional needs met? are they really just fucking animals who want to empty their over-spermed dicks? why don't they just jack off into a toilet for crying out loud? oops, am i not supposed to mention masturbation in the presence of god? and gary makes women seem like fucking prudes from the latest harlequin romance, the christian edition. gag. this man has very little knowledge of couples outside the realm of christian folklore.his section on physical touch made me laugh. i wasn't sure if the lame attempts at humor were to assuage his own discomfort or that of his audience. yes, gary, people have sex. i understand that when you tell me to rub my partner's leg with my foot that i should make sure i'm not rubbing the dog. harhar.to be fair, he touched on the basic fundamentals of communication with your partner, but i can hardly call this book revolutionary. his book on the five languages of love for children sound more useful just because the developmental stage they are in matches the dumbed-down tone of the book. you'd think he was writing for couples who were born in a vaccuum.i'm so over reading new york times bestsellers. we've been brainwashed into accepting that the typical mainstream formula is quality literature. i prefer real talk to fluffy shit, thank you.

Scott Rhee

I will preface this review by saying that I am pretty fortunate to have married someone as wonderful as my wife. We are nearing our fourth anniversary, and we have a baby due in a few short months, and I can honestly say that I am pretty happy. Could things be better? Sure, probably, in little ways, there is always room for improvement, but for the most part, my wife and I seem to be doing things right. So, it might seem odd that I am reading marital-help books when I don't think our marriage needs any help, but I view it as a wise bit of proactive "pre-emptive first strike" against marital problems that may develop down the line, because, let's face it, they will. My wife and I don't know of any of our married couple friends---some who have been married for a long time---who DON'T have some kind of marital issue, be it financial, emotional, sexual, or other.Gary Chapman's short little book, "The 5 Love Languages" has been recommended to me by numerous friends and married couples, and having read it, I can understand why they find it useful. Chapman, an anthropologist and a marriage consultant (a strangely appropriate combo), theorizes that most marriages fail due to a lack of understanding the proper "language" of love by one or both partners.His premise is that everyone speaks one of five different languages of love. "Language" in this case refers to the way that a person feels loved. If your partner does not speak the same language as you, obviously miscues and miscommunication may occur in regards to how your partner expresses his or her love for you.It sounds corny, but it does make a bit of intuitive sense. Chapman illustrates his points with examples of some of his case histories with couples. For example, in one case, a husband who worked long, hard hours felt that his wife was constantly nagging him, and he didn't understand how she didn't appreciate the fact that his hard work was an expression of his love for her. She, on the other hand, felt that her husband didn't love her precisely because he was working long hours. She felt he was trying to avoid being around her. According to Chapman, the wife's language of love is based on Quality Time: she felt loved when her husband spent time with her---even small amounts of time, like just sitting to eat a quick breakfast before he went to work. To her, those times were extremely important, even if they didn't seem that significant to him. The husband's love language is based on Words of Affirmation: he felt loved when his wife complimented him or recognized his achievements. Any show of appreciation---a simple "Thanks for taking out the garbage, hon."---was his way of knowing that she loved him. Needless to say, her words of frustration and anger made him feel unloved.Knowing these things and acting upon them are, of course, two very different things. In some cases, one partner may not feel comfortable speaking the other partner's love language. For example, the language of Physical Touch---hugging, holding hands, any type of physical intimacy---may be difficult for someone who was not raised in a family where those types of physical contact were commonplace. The language of Receiving Gifts, in which a person feels loved when his or partner gives them actual objects symbolic of love, may be completely foreign to someone who doesn't need or like material things as an expression of love. Acts of Service, the fifth language of love, is feeling loved when your partner does things around the house: doing the dishes, the laundry, filling the car's gas tank, etc. To someone whose love language is different, Acts of Service may not mean much.The five languages do make sense, however, and after reading the book, I immediately recognized my own language and my wife's. We're just fortunate enough that we have intuitively gathered what we need in the relationship to make it work. The book simply helps in recognizing how and why we do this, and how we can improve our relationship.I would recommend this book for any married couple, either newlywed or those married for decades, who may feel that their love life has become stagnant or who simply want to re-energize an already-healthy marriage. It's worth a read.Apparently, Chapman has made this book a franchise, having published "5 Love Language" editions for single people, teenagers, and children. There's also an edition for divorced people and one for the workplace. I guess when you have a good idea, you need to run with it...

Chad Warner

This book is unsurprisingly “touchy-feely”, but it contains insightful and practical lessons about love in marriage. Chapman says that people express love in five broad ways, or “love languages”, and he shows how to determine and speak your spouse’s love language. Chapman stresses the importance of communication and expectations in marriage. The book is mostly about love between spouses, but there’s a chapter near the end applying the lessons to parent-child relationships.It sounds cheesy, but the main concept is that each person has a “love tank” that must be filled for a person to feel loved. Your goal in marriage is to keep your spouse’s love tank full by speaking their love language. I liked Chapman’s idea of a Love Tank Game in which spouses ask each other each evening after work, “On a scale of 0 to 10, how full is your love tank? What can I do to fill it?”My pastor recommended this book during premarital counseling. My wife had already read it, and recommended it as well. Chapman is a Christian and he references the Bible throughout the book, but the lessons apply to anyone regardless of religion.The 5 Love LanguagesWords of Affirmation: praising & complimentingQuality Time: undivided attentionReceiving Gifts: spontaneous giftsActs of Service: chores and errandsPhysical Touch: hugging, kissing, sexClues to determine your love languageWhat you ask your spouse forHow you express love to your spouseWhat you love or hate about your spouseTake the quiz at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessm...While reading the book, I guessed that my primary love language is Words of Affirmation or Quality Time. According to the quiz, my languages rank as Quality Time, followed closely by Words of Affirmation, then Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts. I’m a minimalist, so gifts aren’t very important to me. A good point for me to hear was that even if you’re frugal and rarely buy yourself gifts, you’d do well to buy gifts for your spouse, if gifts are her love language. It’s not about you, it’s about your spouse.Additional notesRequest, don’t demand that your spouse perform acts of service.Don't give advice unless you’re asked for it; just listen and sympathize.

Shannon

I think everyone should read this. Understanding our own love language and those around you helps in any relationship. I have read a couple of times.

Lindsay

I had heard a lot about this book & decided to give it a go. It made A LOT of sense! It is all about improving your relationship with your spouse by showing your love to them in a way that resonates with them - which may be totally different than what would be meaningful to you. It was a very fast read, very easy to "get," and I have found it very insightful not only in expressing myself, but also in recognizing when my Jon Jon is being sweet to me. Sometimes it can be hard to tell. Am I right, ladies, or am I right??? Even better than reading it was getting Jon Jon to read it...he did!!! Those of you who know Jon, know it was quite a stretch to think he would read it, (have you heard him drone on about Covey?!!) but I let him know it was non-negotiable & it seriously only takes an afternoon. It was a fun challenge to try to pin-point which of the love languages we spoke. Perhaps more amazing than just reading the book is that Jon has, upon occasion, mentioned how he was specifically thinking of my love language when he did something for me. (!!!) Sweet, I know! It is such a small time commitment to read this & the concept will stick with you, so go for it!

Abby

I read this book for a class at BYU once. It talks about five love languages (giving gifts, quality time, acts of service, touch, etc...) and how you have to figure out what yours are, and what your partner's are. If your love language is gifts, so you keep buying your spouse presents to make him happy, but he really is more of a touching person, but you never touch him, your marriage will suffer.It makes some good points. Try to love your partner how THEY want to be loved, not the way you think they should want to be loved. It's also a good book to have read, because people reference it all the time.I am not a "gifts" person. Neither is my sister, or my family. It works out great. At Christmas we just say, "I don't want anything if you don't." Then we don't give each other presents. If we find something truly awesome, that we really want to give, and that the other person will genuinely like, we give it. But we're not mad if we get nothing in return. My husband has found this baffling, but has started to accept it over the years.His family, on the other hand, is way into giving gifts. I can't tell you how much crap we have that we'll never use that is stored away in boxes, just because it was a "gift". Oh, it drives me crazy! And my husband keeps bringing me flowers, even though I keep super nicely reminding him that he never has to bring me flowers ever again, as long as we live. I even told him, "Just come home from your business trip and tell me, 'Abby, I passed some flower stand at the airport and thought about buying you flowers, but I didn't". I would be so happy! Way happier than if he had bought them, because I'd still have $25.Maybe I should pull out this book and explain that my love language is NOT gifts.

Joe Wisniewski

Everyone has "the" relationship book. This book will NOT automatically solve all relationship problems. People have to want to work on things; have to want to communicate needs and expectations. Having said that, I have not seen a better way to tie in to your significant other's point of view, then trying to understand how THEY need to have love expressed. But even more importantly, maybe, is looking at ourselves and seeing how we automatically expect others to "get" love the way that we need to 'get' it. Which is simply not the way it works.I was especially enlighted when Chapman talks about the difference between love as a "feeling" and love as an "action". The latter is what Christ is asking us to do.I had previously read the "Peacegiver". These two books together would be an excellenet companion set.

Lachelle

My dad actually recommended this book to me and I finally decided to check it out from the library. Although I think my husband and I have a good relationship - it was amazing how much I learned from this book! And how I realized that by understand how we communicate differently - it could strengthen our relationship. I would recommend this book to just about anyone! A lot of it seems common sense but it's a good reminder and an eye-opener to read it.

Kaila

Honestly, this could be a 5 star book, but the last 50 pages get really preachy. As in, "You are more likely to find and keep the love of your life if you already love Jesus."The 5 love languages themselves were the best and most interesting part of the book. I was constantly thinking, "Of course! That's why this thing works and that thing doesn't!"Now, if your partner happens to be a philosophy major...you might have more problems getting the ideas in this book across. There's not much in the way of "shades of grey" in this book. He says, as far as I can tell, ONE TIME that you could be "bilingual". Otherwise, you get one love language, and that's it. The rest of them will only kind of work on you.That sweeps a lot of problems people have right under the rug, I feel.All the same, my partner and I had some good conversations about this, and even though our relationship isn't anywhere near some of the disasters that are talked about in this book, I am sure it will help us never get to that point.Recommended for anyone who has problems expressing love.-----------------I'm having a really hard time deciding on a rating for this. Objectively, it should probably be 3 stars. The author is very sure of his own importance and correctness throughout the entire book. At one point, he quotes a study saying that the "in-love" feeling lasts 2 years. That study is never mentioned again, but the in-love feeling lasting 2 years is quoted as truth from there on out.Every conversation is stilted and full of "But Dr. Chapman! How could this ever work!" Well guess what, they came back 3 months later and called me a miracle worker!Yes you are very special, Dr Chapman, good job.I am afraid that someone reading this who has no background in psychology or philosophy or morality in general, would find it very easy to take everything he says at face value and not look beyond it. I am lucky to have a partner who wants to discuss things critically, but when he first brought up criticisms I got rather emotional and said I felt he wasn't taking me seriously.Relationships are powerful things and I think this book could really help some people who want or need more from their love life. I just want everyone to go into this knowing that there's more here than meets the eye and to think about it.-----------Update March 2, 2014Although my star rating has steadily decreased, I am still finding myself referring to this book. Mostly it is internal, but I really do feel like I have been nagging my partner less. I hope he doesn't tell a different story, but I am TRYING.I am bringing this book up again now because I just had a really great conversation with my dad. We don't see each other much (I hang out with my mom way more), and we have drifted apart over the years. He just took me out to lunch, where he mostly talked about his newest interest, bicycling on gravel. Which sounds absolutely horrible to me. We got to talking about my mom, and how she is obsessive when it comes to keeping the house clean. Like, it's not unusual for people to visit their home and ask if they just moved in because it is so spartan. They've lived there for 20 years.That got me talking about my cleaning habits, which are nowhere near my mom's standards, but I do like the apartment being picked up and presentable. I've been working 60 hours a week for the past 4 months, with only one day off a week. I have been coming home, throwing my shit down, eating a quick frozen burrito, and flopping into bed because I just worked for 14 hours. Needless to say, the place looks like a disaster area within a day or two of me cleaning it.Which brought me to my partner. It bugs me how much I've been working and how I feel he has been doing very little to help me around the house. Like even though I'm the one busting my ass, it's still my job to keep the place clean.I told my dad all this, then mentioned how I had read this book. I briefly went over the 5 love languages. My mom's love language is obviously acts of service. It means a lot to her to come home to a clean house. Mine is quality time. My partner's is physical touch. Then I said, "I'm not actually sure what yours is." It surprised me, but he actually looked thoughtful. This is totally not his thing, to talk about this kind of stuff. After a moment he said, "What means the most to me is that everyone in our family is always there. You can be flaky, but when I really need it, someone is there. It means a lot to me to be able to rely on that."I kind of felt like crying, really, because my dad is not an open person, and I felt like him saying that was some kind of break through.It doesn't really fit into any of the love languages, but I realized it doesn't really have to. This book is just a guideline, but it is still helping me define the love in my life.

Safaa Abdullah

من أروع و أهم الكتب التي قرأتها .كتاب سهل وواضحة أفكاره جدًا ، ويتضمن الكثير من الأمثلة و التجارب الحقيقية ، والتي تقرب الأفكار بطريقة ممتازة .هو كتاب مهم لكل شخص ، لأنه لا يقتصر على الحب بين الأزواج ، بل يمكن تطبيقه على الحب الإنساني بكل أنواعه و أشكاله .أنصح الجميع بقراءته ، حتى لو لم يكونوا واقعين في الحب أو متزوجين .

taghrid

من اهم الكتب التي تناولت موضوع الحب بشكل عقلاني وباسلوب ممتع بنفس الوقتانصح الجميع بقرائته (لو كان بإمكاني لسلمت نسخة من هذا الكتاب لكل زوج و زوجة في هذه البلاد واقول له لقد كتبت هذا الكتاب من اجلك, وامل ان تغير حياتك , واذا استفدت منه اعطه لشخص اخر وحيث انني لا استنطيع فعل هذا فسأكون سعيداً اذا اعطيت هذه نسخة من هذا الكتاب لعائلتك , ولاخوانك و أخواتك , وكذلك لابنائك المتزوجين , ولموظفيك, ولرفقائك في النادي , ومن يدري ربما يمكننا أن نحقق أحلامنا )

Heather

Audio Book Review: The Five Love Languages by Gary ChapmanOnce you get past the fact that Dr. Chapman sounds a lot like Dr. Phil, and mixes in a fair amount of religious talk at the beginning and end of this book, The Five Love Languages is actually a really interesting way of looking at our relationships with others (both romantic and non-romantic). In the book, Dr. Chapman reveals that people express and receive love in different ways. Because of this, even in some of the most loving relationships, one or both parties may not feel loved because the way the love is expressed isn’t necessarily in a “language” the other is receptive to. In other words, we feel most love when the other person is expressing their love in a way that is important to us.There are 5 main love languages: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, and Quality Time. Physical Touch means that a person feels loved through hugs, pats on the back, hand-holding, back massages, hair stroking, and other thoughtful touches. An affinity for physical touch isn’t synonymous with wanting to get it on all the time. Sure, that can be part of it, but just being near someone can be enough to show them they are loved. Thus, when a loved one never initiates any sort of touching, someone who values physical touch may feel unfulfilled.Words of Affirmation focuses on encouraging words. People with this love language feel loved when others complement them, verbally express their love, and give them meaningful praise. These people are thus very sensitive to criticism and insults.Acts of Service is all about expressing love by helping others. These people feel loved when others offer their unsolicited assistance and do things to make their partner’s life a little bit easier. So, being lazy and not offering to help with chores around the house sends the message that you simply don’t care.Receiving Gifts is not the same as materialism. Rather, people with this love language love the thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. The type of gift doesn’t matter. Bringing home a person’s favorite candy after work or making something heartfelt is just as appreciated as something expensive – especially when finances are an issue. Every-day, simple gestures really communicate to these people that others love them.Quality Time is the final love language. These people yearn for the undivided attention of those around them. That means no TV, no cell phones, no computers – just enjoying each other’s company and the chance to talk without interruption. Doing new things together or having a date night with a loved one are more meaningful than anything else.This book was really enlightening; I understand now where the miscommunications in some of my relationships have stemmed from. Throughout the book Dr. Chapman shares many stories about how doing a six month experiment in trying to speak your partner’s love language has saved hundreds of marriages and led to more fulfilling relationships with all types of people – parents, children, friends, etc. (Chapman also has written books for the love languages of the office, children, and teenagers). Sure, at first it may take extra effort to communicate your love in a way that doesn’t come naturally to you, but he promises the payoff will be worth it, and all things considered, what do we really have to lose by trying it out? I highly recommend anyone to check out this book (he also writes a book geared towards guys for those reluctant male readers). You can probably skim through the first couple of chapters though, and get to the good stuff when he actually starts talking about what the love languages are.Final Rating: 4/5 stars

Jenna

I don't do self help books most especially ones that involve the word 'love'. Had it not been for a book group discussion assignment I guarantee I never would have picked up this book.I'm so glad I did! It's really fun to read. The concept is very simple and makes loads of sense. The writing is very down to earth and Chapman gives so many examples through stories that it's a very fast read.In short, he explains that everyone speaks different languages in life (Spanish, German, English, etc.) and it's the same with love. We're all raised differently and what we try to do to show our spouse/kids we love them doesn't necessarily mean they are receiving the message that we love them after all (and vice versa). We all have different love languages and he helps the reader discover what hers/his is.When I asked what my husband thought my love language is he told me, but it wasn't right...it was actually his own love language he thought was mine and I thought his was what mine is. It was quite eye opening and I love that now that I know that I feel differently when he does certain things because I know he's trying to speak my love language...and I'm trying to speak his. We were already very happy in our marriage, but this does open eyes and make things a bit richer for us. Great book...glad I read it.

Heather Murphy

This is an entertaining, well-written book from the perspective of a therapist who shares interesting stories about his patients and thier love problems and solutions.This book has potential to help people better understand those they love and to show love to them in ways they can feel/understand (I'll suggest a much better book below that does this).However, I worry that this book would do more harm than good since in it it says that a man's love language may be sex. How twisted is that??? And very dysfunctional! This could cause a wife to "do her duty" instead of viewing sex as a mutual concent action to unify the marriage and strengthen the couple.Also, another HUGE problem with this book is that it implies that others are supposed to "fill your love bucket." Which is VERY dysfunctional as well. If you desperately NEED someone, that's not love. That's need! A healthy love is where two people are already secure with theirselves by themselves (or with the help of God) and then they can give from their already full love buckets freely. It is not the responsibility for others to fill you up! You need to take charge of your own emotional health. Then you can share freely and not be a wiggly, needy scrounge for love.I suggest reading a much better book that promotes healthy interactions with others. It teaches to give love freely from your full love bucket (and how to get a full love bucket without relying on the actions of others). Although it is not as well written gramically as this 5 languages, it is the best! It is called: How I got this Way and What to do About it by Dr. Ellsworth. It has an amazing chart in it with a much better breakdown of love languages.The children's book The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Silverstein addresses this issue about giving love from your fullness instead of taking love from others or trying to fill in their holes as the 5 love languages promotes.

Gaijinmama

The premise of this best-selling book is quite simple, but many of us haven't tried looking at our marriages this way. In short, people have their own, often unconscious way of expressing love and rarely do two spouses have the same "Love Language." This can cause trouble in a marriage because we may simply not understand the way in which our partner is expressing his or her love, even if s/he is trying really hard to express it and has NO idea we aren't getting it. In turn, s/he may not feel loved if we are "speaking a different language." Thus, we could be struggling for years and still be completely misreading each other.To my surprise, my husband was actually willing to take the quiz at the end of the book with me, and we have had a FABULOUS few days so far. Just knowing which Love Language is most important to each other can make us happier, and an awful lot less frustrated.Let's see if he keeps this up (nudge-nudge, wink-wink!).A couple things that annoyed me: the author is a devout Christian and mentions his beliefs a little more often than I would prefer. And he is more than a trifle sexist. He's convinced that women mainly have sex for emotional reasons whereas men have a stronger physical need. In a word: bullshit. On the men's version of the quiz there is a question about "loving to have sex with my wife", but on the women's version, the wording is changed to "I love cuddling with my husband".BAH HUMBUG to that! Dr. Chapman, sir, it is the 21st Century. Do you truly think that most women have that hard of a time admitting that they enjoy having sex?!Poppycock and balderdash and Honey, puh-leeze! Dr. Chapman, I really do feel you, and I cannot tell you how delighted I am that you got my husband's attention, but you just lost yourself a 5-star rating for going on and on about the Gospel of Luke and for being stuck in the Victorian era in terms of gender differences.In spite of that, I found the book readable, useful and, if my husband's behavior is any indication, very helpful.**2014 Follow-up:Still works for me. It helps just knowing that Mr. Gaijinpapa is trying to express love in his own way, which isn't my way, but hey I am me and he is he..so I appreciate his effort and I try to understand his way and not try to change him. After 23 years, I think romance is all well and good, but marriage is really about patience and being willing to accept each other for who you are...still Royally Pissed Off about the Gender and Kinda Fundamentalist Religious stuff (Dr. Chapman, Sir, I maintain that women like to get some. Cuddles too, and guys might be happier and healthier if society would allow them to admit that they too need to cuddle sometimes, but sometimes we ladies want..you know...It and why pretend otherwise?

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