Five Love Languages Journal: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment To Your Mate

ISBN: 1881273717
ISBN 13: 9781881273714
By: Gary Chapman

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About this book

Writing helps a person remember a concept, prompt an action, or reflect on God's goodness in your life. How did you do this week on keeping your mate's love tank full? Now you can keep track of your thoughts, feelings, progress, and your mate's love tank with The Five Love Languages Journal . Each section of the journal has a corresponding chapter head that follows the classic book by Dr. Gary Chapman. Following that is a quote for reflection, several thought-provoking questions, and a relevant Scripture verse. Interspersed are areas for journalizing about personal experience with love and loved ones. Use the entries to spark communication, or to keep as a private retreat. The journal's duotone faux leather will appeal to both men and women. A satin ribbon is sewn in for place-holding. Those who have made The Five Love Languages a multi-million seller will find this brand addition a most welcome value.<br>

Reader's Thoughts

Scott Rhee

I will preface this review by saying that I am pretty fortunate to have married someone as wonderful as my wife. We are nearing our fourth anniversary, and we have a baby due in a few short months, and I can honestly say that I am pretty happy. Could things be better? Sure, probably, in little ways, there is always room for improvement, but for the most part, my wife and I seem to be doing things right. So, it might seem odd that I am reading marital-help books when I don't think our marriage needs any help, but I view it as a wise bit of proactive "pre-emptive first strike" against marital problems that may develop down the line, because, let's face it, they will. My wife and I don't know of any of our married couple friends---some who have been married for a long time---who DON'T have some kind of marital issue, be it financial, emotional, sexual, or other.Gary Chapman's short little book, "The 5 Love Languages" has been recommended to me by numerous friends and married couples, and having read it, I can understand why they find it useful. Chapman, an anthropologist and a marriage consultant (a strangely appropriate combo), theorizes that most marriages fail due to a lack of understanding the proper "language" of love by one or both partners.His premise is that everyone speaks one of five different languages of love. "Language" in this case refers to the way that a person feels loved. If your partner does not speak the same language as you, obviously miscues and miscommunication may occur in regards to how your partner expresses his or her love for you.It sounds corny, but it does make a bit of intuitive sense. Chapman illustrates his points with examples of some of his case histories with couples. For example, in one case, a husband who worked long, hard hours felt that his wife was constantly nagging him, and he didn't understand how she didn't appreciate the fact that his hard work was an expression of his love for her. She, on the other hand, felt that her husband didn't love her precisely because he was working long hours. She felt he was trying to avoid being around her. According to Chapman, the wife's language of love is based on Quality Time: she felt loved when her husband spent time with her---even small amounts of time, like just sitting to eat a quick breakfast before he went to work. To her, those times were extremely important, even if they didn't seem that significant to him. The husband's love language is based on Words of Affirmation: he felt loved when his wife complimented him or recognized his achievements. Any show of appreciation---a simple "Thanks for taking out the garbage, hon."---was his way of knowing that she loved him. Needless to say, her words of frustration and anger made him feel unloved.Knowing these things and acting upon them are, of course, two very different things. In some cases, one partner may not feel comfortable speaking the other partner's love language. For example, the language of Physical Touch---hugging, holding hands, any type of physical intimacy---may be difficult for someone who was not raised in a family where those types of physical contact were commonplace. The language of Receiving Gifts, in which a person feels loved when his or partner gives them actual objects symbolic of love, may be completely foreign to someone who doesn't need or like material things as an expression of love. Acts of Service, the fifth language of love, is feeling loved when your partner does things around the house: doing the dishes, the laundry, filling the car's gas tank, etc. To someone whose love language is different, Acts of Service may not mean much.The five languages do make sense, however, and after reading the book, I immediately recognized my own language and my wife's. We're just fortunate enough that we have intuitively gathered what we need in the relationship to make it work. The book simply helps in recognizing how and why we do this, and how we can improve our relationship.I would recommend this book for any married couple, either newlywed or those married for decades, who may feel that their love life has become stagnant or who simply want to re-energize an already-healthy marriage. It's worth a read.Apparently, Chapman has made this book a franchise, having published "5 Love Language" editions for single people, teenagers, and children. There's also an edition for divorced people and one for the workplace. I guess when you have a good idea, you need to run with it...

Jason DeGroot

A coworker lent this to me (my coworkers are pretty aware I need all the relationship help I can get). I'd actually heard about the theories behind this one a couple years ago from a woman I was dating, though at the time it was more of a lecture. . .I digress. . .Anyway, this was another really helpful book looking at the different ways men and women like to receive love, and it again explained a lot both in regards to past relationships as well as about myself. It was really interesting reading about the frustrations Chapman's clients felt because they were truly giving what they believed to be love, but because their spouse spoke a different "language", it didn't really mean anything to them. It's good info to know and to just be aware of, and like the other relationship books I've read, most of this stuff just feels like common sense that you kind of already knew but hadn't really thought about. There was even a quiz to tell you what "language" you prefer. I found that I prefer physical touch followed closely by words of affirmation. Now I can lecture someone else about it.


You can read any one of the Five Love Languages and get the just of the books. It teaches you how to identify your love language and those around you. What the author states is that everyone has a major love language (love cup to be filled) as well as a minor love language. You really begin to understand why some people, including yourself, will do certain things. For example, my youngest son's love language is service. He brings me a cup of water to bed because he knows I drink water thru out the night. He likes to serve and in turn he likes to be served. That's just one example, the book explains it better.


My dad actually recommended this book to me and I finally decided to check it out from the library. Although I think my husband and I have a good relationship - it was amazing how much I learned from this book! And how I realized that by understand how we communicate differently - it could strengthen our relationship. I would recommend this book to just about anyone! A lot of it seems common sense but it's a good reminder and an eye-opener to read it.

Heather Murphy

This is an entertaining, well-written book from the perspective of a therapist who shares interesting stories about his patients and thier love problems and solutions.This book has potential to help people better understand those they love and to show love to them in ways they can feel/understand (I'll suggest a much better book below that does this).However, I worry that this book would do more harm than good since in it it says that a man's love language may be sex. How twisted is that??? And very dysfunctional! This could cause a wife to "do her duty" instead of viewing sex as a mutual concent action to unify the marriage and strengthen the couple.Also, another HUGE problem with this book is that it implies that others are supposed to "fill your love bucket." Which is VERY dysfunctional as well. If you desperately NEED someone, that's not love. That's need! A healthy love is where two people are already secure with theirselves by themselves (or with the help of God) and then they can give from their already full love buckets freely. It is not the responsibility for others to fill you up! You need to take charge of your own emotional health. Then you can share freely and not be a wiggly, needy scrounge for love.I suggest reading a much better book that promotes healthy interactions with others. It teaches to give love freely from your full love bucket (and how to get a full love bucket without relying on the actions of others). Although it is not as well written gramically as this 5 languages, it is the best! It is called: How I got this Way and What to do About it by Dr. Ellsworth. It has an amazing chart in it with a much better breakdown of love languages.The children's book The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Silverstein addresses this issue about giving love from your fullness instead of taking love from others or trying to fill in their holes as the 5 love languages promotes.


I read this book for a class at BYU once. It talks about five love languages (giving gifts, quality time, acts of service, touch, etc...) and how you have to figure out what yours are, and what your partner's are. If your love language is gifts, so you keep buying your spouse presents to make him happy, but he really is more of a touching person, but you never touch him, your marriage will suffer.It makes some good points. Try to love your partner how THEY want to be loved, not the way you think they should want to be loved. It's also a good book to have read, because people reference it all the time.I am not a "gifts" person. Neither is my sister, or my family. It works out great. At Christmas we just say, "I don't want anything if you don't." Then we don't give each other presents. If we find something truly awesome, that we really want to give, and that the other person will genuinely like, we give it. But we're not mad if we get nothing in return. My husband has found this baffling, but has started to accept it over the years.His family, on the other hand, is way into giving gifts. I can't tell you how much crap we have that we'll never use that is stored away in boxes, just because it was a "gift". Oh, it drives me crazy! And my husband keeps bringing me flowers, even though I keep super nicely reminding him that he never has to bring me flowers ever again, as long as we live. I even told him, "Just come home from your business trip and tell me, 'Abby, I passed some flower stand at the airport and thought about buying you flowers, but I didn't". I would be so happy! Way happier than if he had bought them, because I'd still have $25.Maybe I should pull out this book and explain that my love language is NOT gifts.


I had heard a lot about this book & decided to give it a go. It made A LOT of sense! It is all about improving your relationship with your spouse by showing your love to them in a way that resonates with them - which may be totally different than what would be meaningful to you. It was a very fast read, very easy to "get," and I have found it very insightful not only in expressing myself, but also in recognizing when my Jon Jon is being sweet to me. Sometimes it can be hard to tell. Am I right, ladies, or am I right??? Even better than reading it was getting Jon Jon to read it...he did!!! Those of you who know Jon, know it was quite a stretch to think he would read it, (have you heard him drone on about Covey?!!) but I let him know it was non-negotiable & it seriously only takes an afternoon. It was a fun challenge to try to pin-point which of the love languages we spoke. Perhaps more amazing than just reading the book is that Jon has, upon occasion, mentioned how he was specifically thinking of my love language when he did something for me. (!!!) Sweet, I know! It is such a small time commitment to read this & the concept will stick with you, so go for it!

Chad Warner

This book is unsurprisingly “touchy-feely”, but it contains insightful and practical lessons about love in marriage. Chapman says that people express love in five broad ways, or “love languages”, and he shows how to determine and speak your spouse’s love language. Chapman stresses the importance of communication and expectations in marriage. The book is mostly about love between spouses, but there’s a chapter near the end applying the lessons to parent-child relationships.It sounds cheesy, but the main concept is that each person has a “love tank” that must be filled for a person to feel loved. Your goal in marriage is to keep your spouse’s love tank full by speaking their love language. I liked Chapman’s idea of a Love Tank Game in which spouses ask each other each evening after work, “On a scale of 0 to 10, how full is your love tank? What can I do to fill it?”My pastor recommended this book during premarital counseling. My wife had already read it, and recommended it as well. Chapman is a Christian and he references the Bible throughout the book, but the lessons apply to anyone regardless of religion.The 5 Love LanguagesWords of Affirmation: praising & complimentingQuality Time: undivided attentionReceiving Gifts: spontaneous giftsActs of Service: chores and errandsPhysical Touch: hugging, kissing, sexClues to determine your love languageWhat you ask your spouse forHow you express love to your spouseWhat you love or hate about your spouseTake the quiz at reading the book, I guessed that my primary love language is Words of Affirmation or Quality Time. According to the quiz, my languages rank as Quality Time, followed closely by Words of Affirmation, then Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts. I’m a minimalist, so gifts aren’t very important to me. A good point for me to hear was that even if you’re frugal and rarely buy yourself gifts, you’d do well to buy gifts for your spouse, if gifts are her love language. It’s not about you, it’s about your spouse.Additional notesRequest, don’t demand that your spouse perform acts of service.Don't give advice unless you’re asked for it; just listen and sympathize.

Joe Wisniewski

Everyone has "the" relationship book. This book will NOT automatically solve all relationship problems. People have to want to work on things; have to want to communicate needs and expectations. Having said that, I have not seen a better way to tie in to your significant other's point of view, then trying to understand how THEY need to have love expressed. But even more importantly, maybe, is looking at ourselves and seeing how we automatically expect others to "get" love the way that we need to 'get' it. Which is simply not the way it works.I was especially enlighted when Chapman talks about the difference between love as a "feeling" and love as an "action". The latter is what Christ is asking us to do.I had previously read the "Peacegiver". These two books together would be an excellenet companion set.


I was standing between aisles in the bookstore trying to figure out where I wanted to go when an employee of the bookstore escorted a young woman past me to a shelf where the young woman pulled a book off and clutched it to her chest as if it was her most prized possession. The young woman was so excited to have found this book. After seeing her body language, I decided to pull the book off the shelf and read it no matter what it may be. When I pulled it off the shelf and saw the title and the purple cover with a couple walking down the beach with some frilly text, I momentarily balked at my decision to read it without seeing what it was first. It kinda felt like the time I was in 6th grade and was sent to the store for the first time to buy tampons for the women in my home. Okay, it wasn't near that bad, but I was just glad nobody was behind me at the register. This book is the key to the universe for committed couples. Seriously. Everyone should read this. Everyone. There are five major "Love Languages." It's imperative for your mate to express their love to you in your primary love language. We all express love in different ways. You typically express love in your primary love language, but your love language may not be your mate's love language. You need to love them the way they need to be loved. This does not refer to the "in love" period, which the books states is on average 2.5 years long. During this period, for a number of reasons, people don't see people for who they really are - love truly is blind. This book is about what happens AFTER that.


My mother in law gave me this book and I hesitated reading it because it sounds so cheesy (and just take a look at the cover--how dorky!) But I was stuck on vacation with nothing else to read so I reluctantly gave it a try. In a nutshell, this book has changed my life. Page after page I found myself wanting to yell, "yes! Thats exactly right!" If I could give this more than five stars, I would. Okay, maybe "changed my life" is a bit strong, but it has certainly enhanced my marriage like nothing else I've ever read or done.The advice this author gives is so profound and universal, it can be applied successfully to any deep relationship you have (children, parents, close friends). I just can't recommend it highly enough. Every couple, whether newly together or old marrieds, could benefit from this book.


This book was recommended to my friend by her pastor to read before she got married. My assumption was that it would be religious in tone and not very relevant to today's relationships. I'm so glad I was wrong! This is one of those books I would suggest everyone read. It is such a simple explanation of what can so often go wrong in relationships. It's not about men vs. women, it's about the way people receive love.The basis is there are 5 Love Languages (obviously). And if you speak a different love language than your partner, then you may not feel loved. The 5 Love Languages are:Words of AffirmationQuality TimeReceiving GiftsActs of ServicePhysical TouchI'm sure everyone responds to all of these in some way, but we all have a primary language. There is a great quiz in the back that can help you more quickly define yours. By reading the book, I knew what mine was, but the survey pinpointed it to a T and helped me rank mine by importance, even better than I think I could have done on my own. This book will help you in your current relationships (of all kinds, not just romantic) and any future relationships you'll have. It really pinpoints how relationships can fall apart after the honeymoon period is over, even if you still love each other. It helps you understand how to show your love for someone else in a way that they'll best receive it. I could give a bunch of examples from the book, but I want you to read it! So go get it from the library TODAY. Then share with me what your primary language is! I'd love to know everyone's. Mine is Words of Affirmation."Almost never do two people fall in love on the same day, and almost never do they fall out of love on the same day." "Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself."


We were given this book as a wedding gift but I didn't get around to reading it for almost 9 years. And when I finished it, I wished I hadn't waited so long. This is another book that can help you identify more effective ways of relating to loved ones. It gives suggestions for using it's tips and lays out how to change the way that you deal with other people. So often we show love and are angry or at a loss as to why it isn't appreciated or accepted. The jist of this book is that you have to show love to people in a way they understand rather than in the way you like. It makes loving some people more difficult for you because you aren't used to showing love that way or you find it hard or uncomfortable. But when we truly love someone, they will feel it more readily when spoken in their "language."


I don't do self help books most especially ones that involve the word 'love'. Had it not been for a book group discussion assignment I guarantee I never would have picked up this book.I'm so glad I did! It's really fun to read. The concept is very simple and makes loads of sense. The writing is very down to earth and Chapman gives so many examples through stories that it's a very fast read.In short, he explains that everyone speaks different languages in life (Spanish, German, English, etc.) and it's the same with love. We're all raised differently and what we try to do to show our spouse/kids we love them doesn't necessarily mean they are receiving the message that we love them after all (and vice versa). We all have different love languages and he helps the reader discover what hers/his is.When I asked what my husband thought my love language is he told me, but it wasn't was actually his own love language he thought was mine and I thought his was what mine is. It was quite eye opening and I love that now that I know that I feel differently when he does certain things because I know he's trying to speak my love language...and I'm trying to speak his. We were already very happy in our marriage, but this does open eyes and make things a bit richer for us. Great book...glad I read it.

Megan La Follett

One of the most practically useful relationship books I have read. I think his explanation of the difference between being "in love " vs choosing TO love is spot on and deserves a lot of thought. Reading this book has encouraged me to deeply consider how I have shown my love to family and friends, and I realize I have not spoken the right love language to many of them. I am grateful to discover this so I can make sure to show them love more effectively in the future! And as a parent, I will be reading the Five Love Languages for Children as soon as possible!

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