Five Love Languages Journal: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment To Your Mate

ISBN: 1881273717
ISBN 13: 9781881273714
By: Gary Chapman

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Christian Currently Reading Favorites Marriage Non Fiction Nonfiction Psychology Relationships Self Help To Read

About this book

Writing helps a person remember a concept, prompt an action, or reflect on God's goodness in your life. How did you do this week on keeping your mate's love tank full? Now you can keep track of your thoughts, feelings, progress, and your mate's love tank with The Five Love Languages Journal . Each section of the journal has a corresponding chapter head that follows the classic book by Dr. Gary Chapman. Following that is a quote for reflection, several thought-provoking questions, and a relevant Scripture verse. Interspersed are areas for journalizing about personal experience with love and loved ones. Use the entries to spark communication, or to keep as a private retreat. The journal's duotone faux leather will appeal to both men and women. A satin ribbon is sewn in for place-holding. Those who have made The Five Love Languages a multi-million seller will find this brand addition a most welcome value.<br>

Reader's Thoughts

Matthew Moes

The author says love is a choice. He says that the infatuation that people experience in the beginning of the relationship is not real love. It is something else. Real love takes work while the infatuation period is instinctual and effortless. But isn't it the stuff we dream of and wish would last forever? Can we really accept that we will only get that chance at the beginning of the relationship and that thereafter, in order to remain monogamous, we must accept that it is not for us to feel ever again? It explains a lot. But I accept his theory with the angst of a romantic.Yet anyone who is married and holds married life as a value that must be maintained must at some point consider the notion that making the marriage work after the honeymoon can be a matter of personal choice. And in so choosing, there are actions that communicate that willingness to different people psychologically. These are the five love languages that the author discusses: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Giving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. I will not go into any details of what is meant by each of these here. The titles are somewhat self-explanatory, with the exception of the last one, which does not necessarily refer to sex. The author explains each love language along with the concept that most people are chiefly responsive to just one. He also discusses how to determine your own as well as your spouse's, and even provides some optimistic advice on how to practice the love languages with an unreciprocating partner. Despite the author's Christian underpinnings, as a non-Christian, to me this did not detract from the relevance of the author's ideas.In fact, these "love languages" are not confined only to the marriage relationship, but may also serve to strengthen bonds with children - or perhaps any other person you need to communicate your love and support for. I especially found the chapter on children the most valuable because it not only expands the concept beyond the marriage relationship, but also drives home the point. We might have a choice as to whether we wish to stay married or not - but our children are ours forever.And this brings me back to the point about marriage. Far from being ready to claim mastery of the ultimate male-female partnership, I have reflected upon it a great deal. In an age where the divorce rate challenges the age-old institution upon which the family is built, one must ask how marriages were ever successful in the past. Some may point out that they really weren't, but that society simply forced two people to be miserable by making it taboo to separate. And this then begs the question, why would the world's varied cultures and divinely inspired religions condone this relationship again and again? In fact, I would venture to point out that for the vast measure of our recorded history marriage has not only been a standard, but has also been traditionally arranged! What ancient wisdom allowed such "life-sentences" to form such a firm foundation for the basic building block of society?I suspect the answer lies right here in this book. As hard as it may be to admit, the commonplace yearning for finding a new and exciting fling is quite likely an unfortunate addiction to a desire that in its very nature is meant to be only a temporary rush that pulls two people inexplicably together at the heart during their initial engagement. It is later, through maturity and insight into what makes the other person tick that we can choose to make each other perpetually happy and foster the bonds of enduring love. This book provides some valid insight into this process. It is light and easy reading that I think every couple should invest some time into, again and again.MM March 1, 2005

Michael

I was standing between aisles in the bookstore trying to figure out where I wanted to go when an employee of the bookstore escorted a young woman past me to a shelf where the young woman pulled a book off and clutched it to her chest as if it was her most prized possession. The young woman was so excited to have found this book. After seeing her body language, I decided to pull the book off the shelf and read it no matter what it may be. When I pulled it off the shelf and saw the title and the purple cover with a couple walking down the beach with some frilly text, I momentarily balked at my decision to read it without seeing what it was first. It kinda felt like the time I was in 6th grade and was sent to the store for the first time to buy tampons for the women in my home. Okay, it wasn't near that bad, but I was just glad nobody was behind me at the register. This book is the key to the universe for committed couples. Seriously. Everyone should read this. Everyone. There are five major "Love Languages." It's imperative for your mate to express their love to you in your primary love language. We all express love in different ways. You typically express love in your primary love language, but your love language may not be your mate's love language. You need to love them the way they need to be loved. This does not refer to the "in love" period, which the books states is on average 2.5 years long. During this period, for a number of reasons, people don't see people for who they really are - love truly is blind. This book is about what happens AFTER that.

Lachelle

My dad actually recommended this book to me and I finally decided to check it out from the library. Although I think my husband and I have a good relationship - it was amazing how much I learned from this book! And how I realized that by understand how we communicate differently - it could strengthen our relationship. I would recommend this book to just about anyone! A lot of it seems common sense but it's a good reminder and an eye-opener to read it.

Karen & Gerard

This is a practical book for improving one’s marriage. It points out that different things are more meaningful than others when it comes to expressing love. Loving acts can fall into the following five basic categories: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, physical touch. Once you determine what your mate’s primary love language is, you can work at keeping them feeling loved more effectively. It’s also good to determine your own primary love language and let your mate know. Several things I plan to implement after reading this book are:(1) Focus on encouraging, complimenting and using kinds words every day when speaking to my husband.(2) Have a sharing time each day where we each share three things that happened to us that day and how we feel about them.(3) Make a list of things we want to do together and do at least two per month.(4) Plan a new event with strong memory potential and do it this year.(5) Play “fill your tank” game. Ask spouse three times a week how full his love tank is on range of 0-10 and ask what I can do to fill it up today.

David Reber

Love is a many splendored thing and it is also a full-time job. Actually, it is my primary full-time job and everything else I do are just side jobs. Along with the two Eldredge books (Wild and Captivating) this is the third book TheRedHead and I have listened to on audio in as many weeks. We have had some good couple time in the car going to Kentucky and then Alabama and these books were great for us to consume and then discuss.I read this book six years ago and listening to it again was a good refresher on what I need to do to keep her love tank full. Her primary is Quality Time and secondary is Acts of Service. My primary is Physical Touch and secondary is Words of AffirmationWe also identified Reber2's primary love language and realize we need to do more to fill his love tank with quality time. His primary is Quality Time and secondary is Physical Touch. Funny how the boy's two are his parent's primaries.

Samantha

I highly recommend this book for ANY couple. Married, engaged, dating, gay, straight. It matters not. I even recommend it if you're single. My husband and I were on the verge of divorce, even separated, but after some counseling and reading this book it has helped us out tremendously! I bought a copy for my mom, sisters, and brother because I think it is that important to read his book and understand your significant others love language.

Jason DeGroot

A coworker lent this to me (my coworkers are pretty aware I need all the relationship help I can get). I'd actually heard about the theories behind this one a couple years ago from a woman I was dating, though at the time it was more of a lecture. . .I digress. . .Anyway, this was another really helpful book looking at the different ways men and women like to receive love, and it again explained a lot both in regards to past relationships as well as about myself. It was really interesting reading about the frustrations Chapman's clients felt because they were truly giving what they believed to be love, but because their spouse spoke a different "language", it didn't really mean anything to them. It's good info to know and to just be aware of, and like the other relationship books I've read, most of this stuff just feels like common sense that you kind of already knew but hadn't really thought about. There was even a quiz to tell you what "language" you prefer. I found that I prefer physical touch followed closely by words of affirmation. Now I can lecture someone else about it.

Joe Wisniewski

Everyone has "the" relationship book. This book will NOT automatically solve all relationship problems. People have to want to work on things; have to want to communicate needs and expectations. Having said that, I have not seen a better way to tie in to your significant other's point of view, then trying to understand how THEY need to have love expressed. But even more importantly, maybe, is looking at ourselves and seeing how we automatically expect others to "get" love the way that we need to 'get' it. Which is simply not the way it works.I was especially enlighted when Chapman talks about the difference between love as a "feeling" and love as an "action". The latter is what Christ is asking us to do.I had previously read the "Peacegiver". These two books together would be an excellenet companion set.

Amal

هذاالكتاب قام بالاجابة على كثير من الألغاز التي قد حيرتني في ما مضى..لماذا يشعر شخص ما في عائلة ما أنه غير محبوب ؟؟لماذا لا يستطيع بعض الأشخاص التعبير عن حبهم للآخرين ؟؟لماذا يتوقف البعض في مرحلة من حياتهم عن حب بعضهم البعض ؟؟ لماذا لا يقدر الآخر ما أقوم به ؟؟عندما تظن بأنك وصلت لمرحلة من الوعي تجعلك تفهم من حولك يأتي مثل هذا الكتاب المضيء ليقول لك بأنك مازلت تتلمس طريقك في الظلمة هذا كتاب يجعلك أكثر تسامحا مع البشرية و يجعلك كائنا ناضجا و واعيا و متفهما لن أتحدث عن محتواه لأني سأظلمه أكتشفه بنفسك أنصح بقراءته و بشدة.

Scott Rhee

I will preface this review by saying that I am pretty fortunate to have married someone as wonderful as my wife. We are nearing our fourth anniversary, and we have a baby due in a few short months, and I can honestly say that I am pretty happy. Could things be better? Sure, probably, in little ways, there is always room for improvement, but for the most part, my wife and I seem to be doing things right. So, it might seem odd that I am reading marital-help books when I don't think our marriage needs any help, but I view it as a wise bit of proactive "pre-emptive first strike" against marital problems that may develop down the line, because, let's face it, they will. My wife and I don't know of any of our married couple friends---some who have been married for a long time---who DON'T have some kind of marital issue, be it financial, emotional, sexual, or other.Gary Chapman's short little book, "The 5 Love Languages" has been recommended to me by numerous friends and married couples, and having read it, I can understand why they find it useful. Chapman, an anthropologist and a marriage consultant (a strangely appropriate combo), theorizes that most marriages fail due to a lack of understanding the proper "language" of love by one or both partners.His premise is that everyone speaks one of five different languages of love. "Language" in this case refers to the way that a person feels loved. If your partner does not speak the same language as you, obviously miscues and miscommunication may occur in regards to how your partner expresses his or her love for you.It sounds corny, but it does make a bit of intuitive sense. Chapman illustrates his points with examples of some of his case histories with couples. For example, in one case, a husband who worked long, hard hours felt that his wife was constantly nagging him, and he didn't understand how she didn't appreciate the fact that his hard work was an expression of his love for her. She, on the other hand, felt that her husband didn't love her precisely because he was working long hours. She felt he was trying to avoid being around her. According to Chapman, the wife's language of love is based on Quality Time: she felt loved when her husband spent time with her---even small amounts of time, like just sitting to eat a quick breakfast before he went to work. To her, those times were extremely important, even if they didn't seem that significant to him. The husband's love language is based on Words of Affirmation: he felt loved when his wife complimented him or recognized his achievements. Any show of appreciation---a simple "Thanks for taking out the garbage, hon."---was his way of knowing that she loved him. Needless to say, her words of frustration and anger made him feel unloved.Knowing these things and acting upon them are, of course, two very different things. In some cases, one partner may not feel comfortable speaking the other partner's love language. For example, the language of Physical Touch---hugging, holding hands, any type of physical intimacy---may be difficult for someone who was not raised in a family where those types of physical contact were commonplace. The language of Receiving Gifts, in which a person feels loved when his or partner gives them actual objects symbolic of love, may be completely foreign to someone who doesn't need or like material things as an expression of love. Acts of Service, the fifth language of love, is feeling loved when your partner does things around the house: doing the dishes, the laundry, filling the car's gas tank, etc. To someone whose love language is different, Acts of Service may not mean much.The five languages do make sense, however, and after reading the book, I immediately recognized my own language and my wife's. We're just fortunate enough that we have intuitively gathered what we need in the relationship to make it work. The book simply helps in recognizing how and why we do this, and how we can improve our relationship.I would recommend this book for any married couple, either newlywed or those married for decades, who may feel that their love life has become stagnant or who simply want to re-energize an already-healthy marriage. It's worth a read.Apparently, Chapman has made this book a franchise, having published "5 Love Language" editions for single people, teenagers, and children. There's also an edition for divorced people and one for the workplace. I guess when you have a good idea, you need to run with it...

Kaila

Honestly, this could be a 5 star book, but the last 50 pages get really preachy. As in, "You are more likely to find and keep the love of your life if you already love Jesus."The 5 love languages themselves were the best and most interesting part of the book. I was constantly thinking, "Of course! That's why this thing works and that thing doesn't!"Now, if your partner happens to be a philosophy major...you might have more problems getting the ideas in this book across. There's not much in the way of "shades of grey" in this book. He says, as far as I can tell, ONE TIME that you could be "bilingual". Otherwise, you get one love language, and that's it. The rest of them will only kind of work on you.That sweeps a lot of problems people have right under the rug, I feel.All the same, my partner and I had some good conversations about this, and even though our relationship isn't anywhere near some of the disasters that are talked about in this book, I am sure it will help us never get to that point.Recommended for anyone who has problems expressing love.-----------------I'm having a really hard time deciding on a rating for this. Objectively, it should probably be 3 stars. The author is very sure of his own importance and correctness throughout the entire book. At one point, he quotes a study saying that the "in-love" feeling lasts 2 years. That study is never mentioned again, but the in-love feeling lasting 2 years is quoted as truth from there on out.Every conversation is stilted and full of "But Dr. Chapman! How could this ever work!" Well guess what, they came back 3 months later and called me a miracle worker!Yes you are very special, Dr Chapman, good job.I am afraid that someone reading this who has no background in psychology or philosophy or morality in general, would find it very easy to take everything he says at face value and not look beyond it. I am lucky to have a partner who wants to discuss things critically, but when he first brought up criticisms I got rather emotional and said I felt he wasn't taking me seriously.Relationships are powerful things and I think this book could really help some people who want or need more from their love life. I just want everyone to go into this knowing that there's more here than meets the eye and to think about it.-----------Update March 2, 2014Although my star rating has steadily decreased, I am still finding myself referring to this book. Mostly it is internal, but I really do feel like I have been nagging my partner less. I hope he doesn't tell a different story, but I am TRYING.I am bringing this book up again now because I just had a really great conversation with my dad. We don't see each other much (I hang out with my mom way more), and we have drifted apart over the years. He just took me out to lunch, where he mostly talked about his newest interest, bicycling on gravel. Which sounds absolutely horrible to me. We got to talking about my mom, and how she is obsessive when it comes to keeping the house clean. Like, it's not unusual for people to visit their home and ask if they just moved in because it is so spartan. They've lived there for 20 years.That got me talking about my cleaning habits, which are nowhere near my mom's standards, but I do like the apartment being picked up and presentable. I've been working 60 hours a week for the past 4 months, with only one day off a week. I have been coming home, throwing my shit down, eating a quick frozen burrito, and flopping into bed because I just worked for 14 hours. Needless to say, the place looks like a disaster area within a day or two of me cleaning it.Which brought me to my partner. It bugs me how much I've been working and how I feel he has been doing very little to help me around the house. Like even though I'm the one busting my ass, it's still my job to keep the place clean.I told my dad all this, then mentioned how I had read this book. I briefly went over the 5 love languages. My mom's love language is obviously acts of service. It means a lot to her to come home to a clean house. Mine is quality time. My partner's is physical touch. Then I said, "I'm not actually sure what yours is." It surprised me, but he actually looked thoughtful. This is totally not his thing, to talk about this kind of stuff. After a moment he said, "What means the most to me is that everyone in our family is always there. You can be flaky, but when I really need it, someone is there. It means a lot to me to be able to rely on that."I kind of felt like crying, really, because my dad is not an open person, and I felt like him saying that was some kind of break through.It doesn't really fit into any of the love languages, but I realized it doesn't really have to. This book is just a guideline, but it is still helping me define the love in my life.

Jess

My mom got this book for me for our wedding, and I won't lie...it sat around for quite some time before I could put down my paranormal romance books and see what it was all about. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. It gave me a lot of insight about the inner workings of a relationship and that love, a feeling, is also a choice! Luckily I am one, who has a full tank...so it took me some time to decode what my love language truly is, but I'm glad for it! AND my husband even said he'd read it! :) HIGHLY recommend to ANYONE in a relationship! I think I'll even be purchasing the 5 Love Languages of Children! :)

Shannon

I think everyone should read this. Understanding our own love language and those around you helps in any relationship. I have read a couple of times.

Megan La Follett

One of the most practically useful relationship books I have read. I think his explanation of the difference between being "in love " vs choosing TO love is spot on and deserves a lot of thought. Reading this book has encouraged me to deeply consider how I have shown my love to family and friends, and I realize I have not spoken the right love language to many of them. I am grateful to discover this so I can make sure to show them love more effectively in the future! And as a parent, I will be reading the Five Love Languages for Children as soon as possible!

cheri

You can read any one of the Five Love Languages and get the just of the books. It teaches you how to identify your love language and those around you. What the author states is that everyone has a major love language (love cup to be filled) as well as a minor love language. You really begin to understand why some people, including yourself, will do certain things. For example, my youngest son's love language is service. He brings me a cup of water to bed because he knows I drink water thru out the night. He likes to serve and in turn he likes to be served. That's just one example, the book explains it better.

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