Not “Just Friends”: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal

ISBN: 074322549X
ISBN 13: 9780743225496
By: Shirley P. Glass Jean Coppock Staeheli

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Currently Reading Infidelity Kindle Library Marriage Non Fiction Psychology Relationships Self Help To Read

Reader's Thoughts

Linda Macdonald

Best book I have read on recovering from the trauma of infidelity. Shirley Glass was a clinical psychologist who was one of the top infidelity experts in the country (regretably she died of breast cancer in the fall of 2006). In her book she debunks common myths such as "Only people who are unhappily married have affairs," and "A relationship is only an affair when sexual intercourse is involved." As a therapist, I have found this book invaluable and so have my clients. I have met Dr. Glass in person and took a 20 hour intensive workshop from her a few years ago. I can't recommend her book and her approach highly enough.

Steven Cobb

Have learned quite a lot in a very short time from this book. Her writing is concise and clear and dead on as far as I'm concerned about how all are affected. I like that she includes a lot of her own and others' research about relationships and infidelity as well as many, many stories taken from more than 2 decades of therapy work with patients. It's information that most people don't readily discuss. I particularly like the following...under the heading 'Old Flames Burn Hottest'"People who reconnect and then fall in love again talk about the intensity of their bond and often feel their love is unique. In fact, if their reconnection results in marriage or a committed relationship these unions are highly successful. Nancy Kalish has discovered in her study of rekindled romances that 72 percent of these reconnecting partners stay together."and later in considerations for the involved partner in 'Getting Off the Fence'"For most people leaving the marriage is not the best answer. People tend to carry their psychological problems with them to the next relationship. Old, destructive patterns are perpetuated unless you deal with them, and second marriages may have the added strain of blended families and stepchildren. Statistically, there is a 50 percent divorce rate in first marriages and a 60 percent divorce rate in second marriages. If you marry your affair partner, the probability that it will work out is even worse than the dismal divorce statistics in second marriages (unless you are marrying an old flame from your youth)."This book provides a lot of clarity and a lot of hope.

Diana Day

Very good information about relationships and marriage, even for people who are NOT in an infidelity situation. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand their marriage better.

Jason

on page 48. Interesting so far...

Aimee

Great read for therapist working with couples around infidelity issues.Also my #1 recommendation to couples to read when recovery from issues of mistrust in their relationship regarding affairs both physical and emotional. Shirley Glass is amazing too. Very interesting read for anyone interested in the topic.

Melissmo

Best book ever on the recovery from infidelty (should your spouse take up evil habits. ) ;-)Especially good for couples trying to reconcile after betrayal, but good for the divorcing too.

Faire

A very complete hand-book on handling infidelity. Portrays quite well how the infidelity begins as the boundaries in relationship shift slowly over the time, identifies the process of creating and role of intimacy, offers understanding for both parties and honest, though challenging, steps facilitating the recovery. Great book for lay persons, good source for therapists.

Sara

If you're dealing with an infidelity, no matter what side you're on, this is one of the best books out there. There are so many books out there on this topic; the market is literally flooded with them (speaks to the amount of cheating that must go on, doesn't it?). It's difficult to really know what will have concrete advice and explanations. This books is good for the "betrayed," because it doesn't blame the victim, it helps the person heal whether you're staying together or not, and it helps give a feeling of vindication. For the unfaithful, it explains how situations can unintentionally lead to a situation where cheating is more likely, explains emotional affairs for those that just do not get it and think it's only cheating when you've done all there is to do, and gives steps on how to protect yourself against faltering. If both parties are willing, this book is a great tool to read along with your partner, to work through the trust issues, to work through any other issues that may have contributed to the cheating behavior, and provide a healthy way to work through the affair(s) together and provide some healing. But it's just as important on an individual basis to read, and even if you've moved on from the relationship, it is one of the best books out there on infidelity. Everyone says they'd walk away when it happens to them, but it's not always that simple if you find yourself there - this book can help you deal with a situation you may have never thought you'd find yourself, and ease some of the pain that is on both sides.

Linda Macdonald

Best book I have read on recovering from the trauma of infidelity. Shirley Glass was a clinical psychologist who was one of the top infidelity experts in the country (regretably she died of breast cancer in the fall of 2006). In her book she debunks common myths such as "Only people who are unhappily married have affairs," and "A relationship is only an affair when sexual intercourse is involved." As a therapist, I have found this book invaluable and so have my clients. I have met Dr. Glass in person and took a 20 hour intensive workshop from her a few years ago. I can't recommend her book and her approach highly enough.

Kim Bowen

One of the most relevant books for married couples today.

Carey Richard

Best book out there on dealing with infidelity.

David Peters

Why I read ItOn a blog I was reading someone highlighted some passages of the book and it sounded interesting. Now remember I originally went to school to become a therapist and thus my interesting probably varies quite a bit from yours. So I emailed the writer and he sent me the reference. Luckily my local library system had a copy.The GoodA very experienced marriage therapist, whose specialty is infidelity, shares what she has learned over the years with numerous case studies and examples.The BadCan be a little dry if you are not interested in the topic and/or not in a relationship of any sort.The Ugly (my opinion)This book was brilliant. Full of fun facts and numerous examples, you cannot help but find ways to not only protect your marriage, but improve it. Straight off the bat she dismisses the common myth that a loving partner and a good marriage will prevent affairs. I think a lot of people rely on that to protect them. Just as she also states that there are no low maintenance relationships. I like what one man said about personal (affair) deterrents. “On a good day, when things are going well, I am committed to my wife. On a day when things are just okay, I am committed to my marriage. And on a day when things aren’t so great, I satisfy myself by being committed to my commitment. This book is suited for anyone who wants to improve their marriage. And if you do not think your marriage needs improvement, or is invincible towards an affair; then you are at the most risk for an affair within yourrelationship.Interesting TriviaDr. Glass is the mother of Ira Glass of NPR’s This American Life. The book opens with a quote from her son, “You know you’re in trouble when the word ‘just’ appears before the word ‘friends’.”

Beth

good book. very helpful

Jessi

Recommended by a therapist friend. Marveling at how prevalent the "tragedy" of infidelity really is, as this is based on like, 40 years of clinical psychology research. There is a lot of neutral psychology here, there's clearly no "right" or "wrong" side of the fence in the way the author deals with the situation. Each situation has to be approached according to it's own circumstances. There's no quick fix to a broken heart, but there's some good practical coping and recovery advice here.

Tobi

This book is religious, heteronormative propaganda. I read it at the same time I read Redefining Our Relationships by Wendy O Matik, which was much better, even for people who don't want to be in an open relationship because it discusses ambiguity within relationships/friendships between men and women as being healthy and normal, not something to fear or repress. Monogamy might be a goal or an ideal to strive for, but within long term relationships it is usually not the reality. Jealousy and possessiveness are part of the problem - just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you own them or get to control their body as if it is your property. The whole idea that having an "emotional affair" is cheating/infidelity is like committing a thought crime or something. I mean, ok, people get crushes, they fall in and out of love with their friends, whatever - but if we really love them, don't we want our partners to be happy and feel free enough to connect with others who love and care for them? If that can happen with respect and compassion for the relationship, then really, is there a problem? Society tells us that love outside of a primary relationship is threatening, but is that necessarily true? I think we need to question this.

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