The Five Love Languages of Children

ISBN: 1881273652
ISBN 13: 9781881273653
By: Gary Chapman Ross Campbell

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About this book

Does your child speak a different language? Sometimes they wager for your attention, and other times they ignore you completely. Sometimes they are filled with gratitude and affection, and other times they seem totally indifferent. Attitude. Behavior. Development. Everything depends on the love relationship between you and your child. When children feel loved, they do their best. But how can you make sure your child feels loved?Since 1992, Dr. Gary Chapman's best-selling book The 5Love Languages has helped millions of  couples develop stronger, more fulfilling relationships by teaching them to speak each others' love language. Each child, too, expresses and receives love through one of five different communication styles. And your love language may be totally different from that of your child. While you are doing all you can to show your child love, he may be hearing it as something completely opposite. Discover your child's primary language and learn what you can do to effectively convey unconditional feelings of respect, affection, and commitment that will resonate in your child's emotions and behavior.

Reader's Thoughts

Mary Messall

The "love languages" are "physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service." I wanted to read this because my sister once referred to this idea, pointing out that our dad doesn't say "I love you," all the time, but does give us all generous gifts, and that this is his way of telling us how much he cares about us, though we haven't always appreciated it. The advice to parents is to figure out which of these is most meaningful to each of their children, and to make an effort to show their love in a way that the child will understand, even if it does not feel natural to the parent. The book itself is a little hokey at times, says sort of judgmental things about single parents and working mothers, and makes religious references which might be somewhat off-putting to non-Christians. But in general I thought the advice was good and the underlying idea useful. I find myself thinking in these terms.


This book was just what I needed to help me course correct with my 11 year old. As soon as I refocused on her language of love a huge behavior change and i got my little girl back.


Our children know that we love them, right? We hope so, but not everyone perceives and receives and shows love in the same manner. This book details 5 ways we perceive love: physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, and acts of service. Each of us has a predominant love language by which we most feel loved. Learn how to speak your child's (or spouse's) primary language, and experience a transformation in your relationship with that person. After detailing each love language in relation to children, the authors present a final chapter for couples. After all, if you are not in tune with your partner's primary love language, how can you be in tune and model healthy relationships for your child?I really enjoyed this book, and it helped to clarify many things for me and my family, including reflections upon how I was shown love as a child and how that has stayed with me today. How do I know you love me? Gifts, kind words, and touch are great, but quality time and acts of service are my primary love languages. Spend time with me, or do a chore for me, and then I will know that you really care. A short and insightful read, well worth investing some time, reflection, and conversation with your partner. This is a parenting "must read."


I did find this book helpful in some ways, and frustrating in others. While it was beneficial to learn the different ways a child feels loved and the authors did offer some approaches to behavioral issues that have already been beneficial, I just don't think that knowing a child's love language and "filling their love tank" will solve ALL of a child's behavioral problems as the book suggests. I felt the authors put too much responsibility on the parent for a child's behavior. While I definitely feel as a parent I do have a lot of power and influence on my child, ultimately how he/she acts is not entirely up to me or within my control and the child makes the final decision as to how he/she behaves. It was helpful to add this info to my parenting arsenal, I just don't think life is as tidy as the book suggests.


My oldest child is much like me, but my second felt so different! But for the first time I'm understanding him, and this book may be the difference between a close relationship with him during these formative years, and a distant one.This is the best parenting book I've read. In a nutshell: everyone shows love and desires love in return, but we do it in different ways. Those "ways" are called languages, and are condensed into five types. Receiving love in YOUR language fills your love tank. Kids whose love tanks are full learn better, are disciplined more easily, and manage anger more appropriately. A great analogy for the whole thing: Someone can be screaming as loud as possible in Chinese, but if you don't speak Chinese, you're not going to understand them.

Adriane Devries

As parents, it is our duty alone to discern which love language (physical touch, quality time, gift, acts of service, and words of affirmation) is best suited to each of our children. Though we of course love our children, how we communicate this love is not necessarily how they receive it, and therefore our language may go unheard, leaving their “love tank” empty. Learning these new languages will take work and discomfort, but worth the effort to enable them to mature in their ability to learn and relate to others without resorting to the typical passive aggressive measures that look like disobedience but are inadvertent cries to snag whatever love/attention possible. Though children “know when you don’t feel loving…they experience your love behaviorally.” They are “more grateful and appreciative when you’re able to be loving, no matter how you feel inside.” This author purports that if more parent purposely learned their children’s language and began speaking these languages fluently, our society would not be where it is now. Very intriguing and worth more research.

Janice Bear

The actual chapters describing the love languages were helpful, but after that the book lost me. There were a lot of little things I disagreed with; enough to make me question the validity of the stuff I initially liked. Rewarding kids with food? No thanks. Cutting short discipline because a child shows contrition for breaking a rule? Well, maybe sometimes, but I think kids should have to make up for some indiscretions (e.g. if you broke someone else's toy a portion of your allowance must be used to replace it).It is important to explore parenting theories that differ from your own, but many of these just did not add up for me. I'll keep the book around as a reference and maybe try re-reading it at another time. In all, The authors took 200 pages to give me about 100 pages worth of information.

Rock Rockwell

Now that you know my love language, will you use it against me? Seriously, compartamentalizing love into five expressions is a bit limited. To some it may help to understand why those "special" people don't meet our expectations, and how to accept their love expression (even though it may not mean much to my love language receptor). I was one of the unusual ones that couldn't figure out my love language... sort of like those personality/gift tests (dinc) that put me in the "I don't know" range. Just think how frustrated my wife must be?!? Maybe there are 5 more love languages out there we have not discovered yet...


This was a great book! Loved how it talks about each of the love languages with children in mind. Also gives some good ideas on how to figure out what your child's love language is. For my full review check out...


In the Evangelical tribe I grew up in, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman provided the idiom to talk about how each us receive and give love. Because of our unique personalities and family of origin, we each have modes of expressing love which is particularly meaningful to us. For some it words of affirmation. Others feel particularly loved when you spend quality time with them. Giving and receiving gifts is another ‘love language.’ Others feel loved through physical touch or acts of service. My love language is gift giving (so keep them coming ;P ). Chapman’s original book has helped countless people understand their own love needs and how to best express love to their mates (and other loved ones) whose ‘love language is often different from their own.I don't typically read ‘spin-off’ books. The fact that there is a Love Language book for singles, men, children, teenagers etc, seems a little too much like “Chicken Soup for the Cat-Lover’s Soul.” It is more of a marketing ploy than something you expect to say something new. But then I am the father of three very different children and thought that The 5 Love Languages of Children would provide me with some insights on how to love my children well. I was pleasantly surprised by what I read inside. This is a great book.While Gary Chapman and his co-author, Ross Campbell, M.D., say that it is impossible to identify a primary love language for kids under the age of five, and warns that love languages can change at various stages, I gained some appreciation for the uniqueness of my three year old needs and some understanding of my five year old. My two-year-old son is still a mystery.Chapman and Campbell devote the first half of this book to describing the five love languages and how to recognize them in your children. In the last half of the book they describe how to discipline children, foster learning and help children manage their anger by responding to them in ways which ‘fill their love language’ when we give direction or correction. They also discuss some of the unique challenges of responding to a child’s love language for single-parent families and how modelling love languages in marriage helps your children.This is a quick read with a lot of insight. Every involved parent loves their children (hopefully!); however not every child feels their parent’s love. This book helps parents understand their children and offers sage advice on how to nurture them in love. My oldest daughter seems to have a primary love language of Quality Time and loves it when you spend time with her. My almost four year old, I would guess has a preference for acts of service. She loves it when you do things for her in a way that her independent older sister never did. This helps me respond with greater patience when she has me help her with something she is quite capable of. And of course Chapman and Campbell also encourage parents to nurture your children to express each of the love languages to others.But the most important chapters for me would be the chapters on discipline, learning and managing anger. My kids are unique with different personalities and I have learned that what works with one kid will not work with the others. Certainly there is a lot I still need to discover about my children but like the original Love Languages book, this gives me some words to talk about it.I recommend this book to parents. It may be a spin-off but it delievers the goods. I give this book four stars. : ★★★★☆Thank you to Moody Publishers for providing me a copy of this book in exchange for this fair and honest review.


The five love languages has had much acclaim for the use in parenting children as well in the aiding of marriages. I found the book slightly interesting, mildly helpful, and downright obvious in spots. While understanding the different love languages a person can have: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch, can move you worlds closer to getting along with someone, it doesn't necessarily always bridge the gap of personality comprehension. For children, I believe the language that each child responds to, is constantly changing and almost always not one of these languages but a combination of them. This makes it difficult to know and administer to. While making relationships better is never an easy undertaking, once you understand a love language, you would think it might simplify things. This isn't always so, either. Just because my husband knows my love language is Acts of Service, doesn't necessarily mean he's any more willing to do the dishes or clean up after himself. Now there's a book I can get behind, getting you husband and children to clean up after themselves. I'm not saying this book has no merit. By far it has some great ideas and ways of getting to the heart of relating to your children, and it can't possibly hurt or hinder your relationship with your children. Especially for those that have never considered that there are other ways to show your love for your children than what you're used to, it can give great insight into alternative methods for doing so. For someone like me, who is constantly analyzing my relationships with my family and how to make them better, it isn't altogether a new topic. At the very least, it's a good solid foundation of principles for those looking to gain a deeper connection with their children.

Jennifer Wedemeyer

Immediately, I realized that I wasn't meeting each of my children's individual love need. I thought my son's main love language was physical touch but it's also words of affirmation. This is so obvious in that he is always touching, always wrestling, and always in your personal space and now that I realize it he's also always asking if everything is ok, did he do this ok, am I all right and he is so happy after receiving positive words of affirmation from myself and my husband. After reading Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell's tips, I began to incorporate more touch into every moment that I was near my son and a lot more words of affirmation. Whenever he is near, my hand can be found on his head, his back, or engaging in learning manners such as shaking hands. I have learned to use touch in all of his learning activities and his acting out has gone down considerably as well as his verbal skills have soared.My daughter was a little harder to discover but I quickly discovered that her love languages are acts of service and time. She wants to be with you yet she wants to do something with you. Playing games with her, baking with her, doing crafts with her, and even cleaning or doing laundry together are all reaching her needs. She also loves to work on Punky Monkey Misisons projects together like crocheting, passing out Blessed to Bless bags to the needy and taking food to the homeless.As a mom, I found that The 5 Love Languages of Children was one of the best books I could have read. I wish I would have had this as a new mom! Gary Champan and Ross Campbell use biblical principles, personal illustrations, and personal application to really open up your eyes to your child's needs. I highly recommend this book to any parent - new or old. It might just be the charge your family needs to go from average to exemplary. If every child had their love languages met just think of what a better place we would live in.


This outstanding book addresses how each child expresses and receives love through one of five main "languages" - quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Although children need to be spoken to in each of these love languages, there's one love language that meets their deepest emotional needs and should be used often with them. Once we figure out what our children's primary love language is, we will be able to better understand their personal communication methods. Even though children need to feel love through all five of the love languages, their primary love "tank" must be filled in order for the other languages to be effective.They also offer excellent suggestions with disciplinary methods that won't affect your child's perceptions of the way they feel loved by their parents.Bottom line - Even if you've read tons of parenting books, you will truly learn something new from this one - something to increase your relationship with your child.


This book is the revised version of The 5 Love Languages of Children written by Dr. Gary D. Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell. I have not read the other versions so will not be comparing this one to any of the other books.I have heard of this book over the years and the concept that we all have a way that we receive love. This particular book centers on how our children accept and feel love. The authors break down into 5 different areas (or languages as they call it) the ways to express love to our children. Each child is different in how they need love presented to them. What is interesting is how they explain that we each give and receive love in different ways. Meaning you may need to receive flowers on Valentines Day to feel loved but want to show love to your spouse by spending time going on a walk alone with them. Our children are the same way, each receive and each show love in different ways. One may need you to sit and play board games with them while they show you love by speaking words of encouragement to you every day.The book is organized and easy to follow. I liked the end of the book where you can work on some questions with your child and narrow down how they most feel loved. Do they like it when you bring home treats for them or do they like it better when you give them a big hug instead? Very helpful for anyone struggling to reach out to a child and not sure why the child is pulling away. I think it is a great book for any parent no matter the age of their child. I look forward to reading the other 5 Love Languages books! If they are filled with as much helpful information as this book was they are worth reading too!I would like to thank NetGalley and the publisher for the copy of this book I enjoyed reading. I gave an honest review based on my opinion of what I read.


I don't like this book very much. Gary Chapman co-wrote this book with someone named Ross Campbell, and I have the impression (perhaps the wrong impression) that they are Campbell's parts of the the book that are giving me trouble. Love languages--good. But I have the constant feeling while reading this book that while they are giving with one hand, they are taking everything away with the other. This makes me feel like the love stuff is rather wishy-washy, and the discipline stuff is entirely child centered. Am I using that phrase correctly? In other words, Campbell seems to say that the parent is entirely responsible for the child's behavior, but the only power the parent has to channel that behavior is to use the love languages. Anything else has to be initiated by the child. They've really muddled up my own practice of discipline.I firmly believe that all discipline must arise out of love, and that we as parents have the responsibility of doing what is best for the child in the long run, not just what seems good for the moment. This part of their argument I can agree with. Unconditional love--again, I agree. But there seems to be no way to encourage first-time obedience under Campbell's program, and this bothers me. I don't want to control my child. Far from it. At the same time, he needs to learn how to obey, not because he feels like it, but because it is right to do so. I feel like Campbell's advice takes away any ability I have to train my children in that.

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