The Five Love Languages of Children

ISBN: 1881273652
ISBN 13: 9781881273653
By: Gary Chapman Ross Campbell

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About this book

Does your child speak a different language? Sometimes they wager for your attention, and other times they ignore you completely. Sometimes they are filled with gratitude and affection, and other times they seem totally indifferent. Attitude. Behavior. Development. Everything depends on the love relationship between you and your child. When children feel loved, they do their best. But how can you make sure your child feels loved?Since 1992, Dr. Gary Chapman's best-selling book The 5Love Languages has helped millions of  couples develop stronger, more fulfilling relationships by teaching them to speak each others' love language. Each child, too, expresses and receives love through one of five different communication styles. And your love language may be totally different from that of your child. While you are doing all you can to show your child love, he may be hearing it as something completely opposite. Discover your child's primary language and learn what you can do to effectively convey unconditional feelings of respect, affection, and commitment that will resonate in your child's emotions and behavior.

Reader's Thoughts


This book is the revised version of The 5 Love Languages of Children written by Dr. Gary D. Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell. I have not read the other versions so will not be comparing this one to any of the other books.I have heard of this book over the years and the concept that we all have a way that we receive love. This particular book centers on how our children accept and feel love. The authors break down into 5 different areas (or languages as they call it) the ways to express love to our children. Each child is different in how they need love presented to them. What is interesting is how they explain that we each give and receive love in different ways. Meaning you may need to receive flowers on Valentines Day to feel loved but want to show love to your spouse by spending time going on a walk alone with them. Our children are the same way, each receive and each show love in different ways. One may need you to sit and play board games with them while they show you love by speaking words of encouragement to you every day.The book is organized and easy to follow. I liked the end of the book where you can work on some questions with your child and narrow down how they most feel loved. Do they like it when you bring home treats for them or do they like it better when you give them a big hug instead? Very helpful for anyone struggling to reach out to a child and not sure why the child is pulling away. I think it is a great book for any parent no matter the age of their child. I look forward to reading the other 5 Love Languages books! If they are filled with as much helpful information as this book was they are worth reading too!I would like to thank NetGalley and the publisher for the copy of this book I enjoyed reading. I gave an honest review based on my opinion of what I read.


This book was just what I needed to help me course correct with my 11 year old. As soon as I refocused on her language of love a huge behavior change and i got my little girl back.


This outstanding book addresses how each child expresses and receives love through one of five main "languages" - quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Although children need to be spoken to in each of these love languages, there's one love language that meets their deepest emotional needs and should be used often with them. Once we figure out what our children's primary love language is, we will be able to better understand their personal communication methods. Even though children need to feel love through all five of the love languages, their primary love "tank" must be filled in order for the other languages to be effective.They also offer excellent suggestions with disciplinary methods that won't affect your child's perceptions of the way they feel loved by their parents.Bottom line - Even if you've read tons of parenting books, you will truly learn something new from this one - something to increase your relationship with your child.

Mary Messall

The "love languages" are "physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service." I wanted to read this because my sister once referred to this idea, pointing out that our dad doesn't say "I love you," all the time, but does give us all generous gifts, and that this is his way of telling us how much he cares about us, though we haven't always appreciated it. The advice to parents is to figure out which of these is most meaningful to each of their children, and to make an effort to show their love in a way that the child will understand, even if it does not feel natural to the parent. The book itself is a little hokey at times, says sort of judgmental things about single parents and working mothers, and makes religious references which might be somewhat off-putting to non-Christians. But in general I thought the advice was good and the underlying idea useful. I find myself thinking in these terms.


I think this book is fascinating! I've noticed that my children, my spouse and I all have a love language that relates to them. The love language is your preferred way of giving & receiving love. What I loved most about this book is the knowledge that when you discipline a child in their love language it cuts really deep. For example, my daughter is a words of affirmation child, and when I correct her actions, she shuts down (even when I do it in the nicest way 'we can't touch that sweetie') My son is a physical touch child, and if I punish him by not letting him sit on my lap, it really hurts his feelings. But if I correct him with words, he doesn't care. It talks a lot about how parents can do everything they want to show their children love, but if they are not showing the child love in the way they prefer it, the child may feel unloved, even to the most attentive parent


The five love languages has had much acclaim for the use in parenting children as well in the aiding of marriages. I found the book slightly interesting, mildly helpful, and downright obvious in spots. While understanding the different love languages a person can have: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch, can move you worlds closer to getting along with someone, it doesn't necessarily always bridge the gap of personality comprehension. For children, I believe the language that each child responds to, is constantly changing and almost always not one of these languages but a combination of them. This makes it difficult to know and administer to. While making relationships better is never an easy undertaking, once you understand a love language, you would think it might simplify things. This isn't always so, either. Just because my husband knows my love language is Acts of Service, doesn't necessarily mean he's any more willing to do the dishes or clean up after himself. Now there's a book I can get behind, getting you husband and children to clean up after themselves. I'm not saying this book has no merit. By far it has some great ideas and ways of getting to the heart of relating to your children, and it can't possibly hurt or hinder your relationship with your children. Especially for those that have never considered that there are other ways to show your love for your children than what you're used to, it can give great insight into alternative methods for doing so. For someone like me, who is constantly analyzing my relationships with my family and how to make them better, it isn't altogether a new topic. At the very least, it's a good solid foundation of principles for those looking to gain a deeper connection with their children.


I thought this book had some great insights. It has lots of things that we should already be doing to show love to our kids. Just a great reminder that not all kids are the same and that there are simple things we can do to reach the needs of each different child. I agreed with the philosophy behind it and I got a lot out of it.

Janice Bear

The actual chapters describing the love languages were helpful, but after that the book lost me. There were a lot of little things I disagreed with; enough to make me question the validity of the stuff I initially liked. Rewarding kids with food? No thanks. Cutting short discipline because a child shows contrition for breaking a rule? Well, maybe sometimes, but I think kids should have to make up for some indiscretions (e.g. if you broke someone else's toy a portion of your allowance must be used to replace it).It is important to explore parenting theories that differ from your own, but many of these just did not add up for me. I'll keep the book around as a reference and maybe try re-reading it at another time. In all, The authors took 200 pages to give me about 100 pages worth of information.


This book argues that all people feel love in five basic ways, but we each have a primary love language. The best way to make your children feel loved, then, is to figure out what their primary love language is, and give them lots of that, plus regular doses of the other kinds. Obviously this applies to spouses, parents, and anyone else you love too, but this book is mainly about the parent/child relationship. I may decide this book deserves 4 stars after I've had some more time to think about it and try its ideas out. It was really interesting, but also sometimes frustrating. Nick's primary love language is quality time, which I already knew, but it was admittedly nice to see it spelled out here, with suggestions for how to give him what he needs. On the other hand, I would have liked some more specifics on how to make him feel loved without making me feel overwhelmed by his constant presence, but I guess that's something I need to think out consciously myself.


I don't like this book very much. Gary Chapman co-wrote this book with someone named Ross Campbell, and I have the impression (perhaps the wrong impression) that they are Campbell's parts of the the book that are giving me trouble. Love languages--good. But I have the constant feeling while reading this book that while they are giving with one hand, they are taking everything away with the other. This makes me feel like the love stuff is rather wishy-washy, and the discipline stuff is entirely child centered. Am I using that phrase correctly? In other words, Campbell seems to say that the parent is entirely responsible for the child's behavior, but the only power the parent has to channel that behavior is to use the love languages. Anything else has to be initiated by the child. They've really muddled up my own practice of discipline.I firmly believe that all discipline must arise out of love, and that we as parents have the responsibility of doing what is best for the child in the long run, not just what seems good for the moment. This part of their argument I can agree with. Unconditional love--again, I agree. But there seems to be no way to encourage first-time obedience under Campbell's program, and this bothers me. I don't want to control my child. Far from it. At the same time, he needs to learn how to obey, not because he feels like it, but because it is right to do so. I feel like Campbell's advice takes away any ability I have to train my children in that.


I liked some of the reviews on this book so I couldn't stand reading its introduction as soon as I got itWell, I finished it Noufa, 2day, as we decided this early morning(;There are two other books; the first one is about the five languages in general and the other is concerned more about the teenagers' but I really believe the one I'm reading is the most important of all. Recommended to all the parents, teachers and those who deal with kids.Ps.ThanQ D.B.D (:


This was a great book! Loved how it talks about each of the love languages with children in mind. Also gives some good ideas on how to figure out what your child's love language is. For my full review check out...

Adriane Devries

As parents, it is our duty alone to discern which love language (physical touch, quality time, gift, acts of service, and words of affirmation) is best suited to each of our children. Though we of course love our children, how we communicate this love is not necessarily how they receive it, and therefore our language may go unheard, leaving their “love tank” empty. Learning these new languages will take work and discomfort, but worth the effort to enable them to mature in their ability to learn and relate to others without resorting to the typical passive aggressive measures that look like disobedience but are inadvertent cries to snag whatever love/attention possible. Though children “know when you don’t feel loving…they experience your love behaviorally.” They are “more grateful and appreciative when you’re able to be loving, no matter how you feel inside.” This author purports that if more parent purposely learned their children’s language and began speaking these languages fluently, our society would not be where it is now. Very intriguing and worth more research.

Joshua Park

With any book that's designed to help parents be better parents for their kids, it's easy to fall into the trap of defining the success of the book by whether its advice was successful in the reader's family. The fact that every child is different is actually the highlight of this book. This helps people understand why two kids might react completely differently to the same gifts, the same activities, and the same punishments. It has to do with how the people involved show and express love.Most of the explanations from this "5 Love Languages" book were more instructive to me than the examples from Gary Chapman's main book in this vein, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.One problem: I expected this book to help with my toddler. In the book, Chapman and Campbell say that if the child is under the age of 5 that I should just not try to figure out the love language. They also say that parents should not discipline or punish the child with methods related to the child's love language. (E.g., a child in dire need of Quality Time could be emotionally damaged by punishing them with isolation.) This presents a problem: I am not to discipline in my child's love language, but I can't know what my child's language is until he's older? Should I simply hope that my discipline tactics are not in the same language as my son's understanding of love?Sadly, the authors do not offer a solution to this. It seems that the book is geared primarily toward school-aged children. Still, the advice seems good and I'd hate to fault the book with a lower rating simply because of the book's scope. I wish the publisher had clarified the appropriate age range of the book in its list description.


I found the five love languages for adults to helpful. This book is very similar, but related to children. The first half of the book is specific to the five languages, the second half (which I enjoyed more) deals with discipline, love, anger, and the love languages for your children. I am excited to try some of the ideas mentioned in the book. The only complaint is that some of the ideas leave me with specific questions for specific circumstances and how you would do that on a daily basis. I also came away with the question, how can you make your child feel love unconditionally? It has made me think a lot the last couple of days how I want my children to feel that and how I can be better at showing it.

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