The Five Love Languages of Children

ISBN: 1881273652
ISBN 13: 9781881273653
By: Gary Chapman Ross Campbell

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Christian Currently Reading Family Favorites Non Fiction Nonfiction Parenting Relationships Self Help To Read

About this book

Does your child speak a different language? Sometimes they wager for your attention, and other times they ignore you completely. Sometimes they are filled with gratitude and affection, and other times they seem totally indifferent. Attitude. Behavior. Development. Everything depends on the love relationship between you and your child. When children feel loved, they do their best. But how can you make sure your child feels loved?Since 1992, Dr. Gary Chapman's best-selling book The 5Love Languages has helped millions of  couples develop stronger, more fulfilling relationships by teaching them to speak each others' love language. Each child, too, expresses and receives love through one of five different communication styles. And your love language may be totally different from that of your child. While you are doing all you can to show your child love, he may be hearing it as something completely opposite. Discover your child's primary language and learn what you can do to effectively convey unconditional feelings of respect, affection, and commitment that will resonate in your child's emotions and behavior.

Reader's Thoughts

Kelly

The Five Love Languages has so much good information in it, but I didn't feel that the Five Love Languages OF CHILDREN added very much to that. It might have been more useful had my children been older. I was interested in what it had to say about discipline, but obviously disciplining a teenager is different than disciplining a preschooler and the discipline information in the book seemed to be for someone a little more rational than a three year old. I don't think I'm going to be able to hold onto that information for the next ten years. I'm generally leery of any parenting book that throws around the phrases like "will cause lasting and irreversible damage," referring to the child as a result of something a parent does or does not do. It was especially strange in this book because it was never talking about anything blatantly harmful. No parent is perfect and there are quite a few functioning adults in the world, so I don't know how much there really is that can't be undone. Just love your kids, people.If you were only going to read one of these Love Languages books, I would go for the basic one over the child-specific one.

Annie

I thought this book had some great insights. It has lots of things that we should already be doing to show love to our kids. Just a great reminder that not all kids are the same and that there are simple things we can do to reach the needs of each different child. I agreed with the philosophy behind it and I got a lot out of it.

Brandy Ferrell

The Five Love Languages of Children has certainly given me some specific ideas for more adequately expressing love to my children. Not only that, it is helping us as a family to communicate better with one another. Our three boys have enjoyed learning about the Love Languages with me, which was completely unexpected but absolutely wonderful! This book is a very good, quick read but is also quite convicting. Even in expressing love to my children, I have realized that at times even my best intentions have actually become a burden to them. Much of this book rings true for me personally, though I don't always fit the mold. The main point of the book is that we have several ways to express love to one another, and while some may feel loved through certain expressions, others may not. It's important to recognize that!And… I have determined that I'm not so mature in handling anger and expressing love, but now I have some specific ideas to help me become a better parent. 1 Peter 4:8

Janice Bear

The actual chapters describing the love languages were helpful, but after that the book lost me. There were a lot of little things I disagreed with; enough to make me question the validity of the stuff I initially liked. Rewarding kids with food? No thanks. Cutting short discipline because a child shows contrition for breaking a rule? Well, maybe sometimes, but I think kids should have to make up for some indiscretions (e.g. if you broke someone else's toy a portion of your allowance must be used to replace it).It is important to explore parenting theories that differ from your own, but many of these just did not add up for me. I'll keep the book around as a reference and maybe try re-reading it at another time. In all, The authors took 200 pages to give me about 100 pages worth of information.

Jenny

Our children know that we love them, right? We hope so, but not everyone perceives and receives and shows love in the same manner. This book details 5 ways we perceive love: physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, and acts of service. Each of us has a predominant love language by which we most feel loved. Learn how to speak your child's (or spouse's) primary language, and experience a transformation in your relationship with that person. After detailing each love language in relation to children, the authors present a final chapter for couples. After all, if you are not in tune with your partner's primary love language, how can you be in tune and model healthy relationships for your child?I really enjoyed this book, and it helped to clarify many things for me and my family, including reflections upon how I was shown love as a child and how that has stayed with me today. How do I know you love me? Gifts, kind words, and touch are great, but quality time and acts of service are my primary love languages. Spend time with me, or do a chore for me, and then I will know that you really care. A short and insightful read, well worth investing some time, reflection, and conversation with your partner. This is a parenting "must read."

Joshua Park

With any book that's designed to help parents be better parents for their kids, it's easy to fall into the trap of defining the success of the book by whether its advice was successful in the reader's family. The fact that every child is different is actually the highlight of this book. This helps people understand why two kids might react completely differently to the same gifts, the same activities, and the same punishments. It has to do with how the people involved show and express love.Most of the explanations from this "5 Love Languages" book were more instructive to me than the examples from Gary Chapman's main book in this vein, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.One problem: I expected this book to help with my toddler. In the book, Chapman and Campbell say that if the child is under the age of 5 that I should just not try to figure out the love language. They also say that parents should not discipline or punish the child with methods related to the child's love language. (E.g., a child in dire need of Quality Time could be emotionally damaged by punishing them with isolation.) This presents a problem: I am not to discipline in my child's love language, but I can't know what my child's language is until he's older? Should I simply hope that my discipline tactics are not in the same language as my son's understanding of love?Sadly, the authors do not offer a solution to this. It seems that the book is geared primarily toward school-aged children. Still, the advice seems good and I'd hate to fault the book with a lower rating simply because of the book's scope. I wish the publisher had clarified the appropriate age range of the book in its list description.

Alisa

I found the five love languages for adults to helpful. This book is very similar, but related to children. The first half of the book is specific to the five languages, the second half (which I enjoyed more) deals with discipline, love, anger, and the love languages for your children. I am excited to try some of the ideas mentioned in the book. The only complaint is that some of the ideas leave me with specific questions for specific circumstances and how you would do that on a daily basis. I also came away with the question, how can you make your child feel love unconditionally? It has made me think a lot the last couple of days how I want my children to feel that and how I can be better at showing it.

Sueij

The authors expound on their theory that there are five different ways that people express and experience love: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service. By the time kids are five or so, they say, the kids have started to have a preference (before then children just need love in all the languages all the time). Knowing your child's love language can help you to be sure that they know that you love them, which leads to all kinds of good things they'd like to tell you more about. For example, if a parent expresses love by acts of service, but the child experiences love through physical touch, then they may feel unloved even while the parent bends over backward for them. Similarly, if they experience love through words of affirmation, but a parent disciplines by yelling, the child may not get the message "You made a bad choice" but may instead hear "I don't love you."The book is mildly, though overtly, Christian. Non-Christians will probably roll their eyes occasionally, though I still think that the basic message of the five love languages and how to discover and use them will ring true and be useful.I think this is actually one of the more useful parenting books I've read, and recommend it quite highly.

Mary Messall

The "love languages" are "physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service." I wanted to read this because my sister once referred to this idea, pointing out that our dad doesn't say "I love you," all the time, but does give us all generous gifts, and that this is his way of telling us how much he cares about us, though we haven't always appreciated it. The advice to parents is to figure out which of these is most meaningful to each of their children, and to make an effort to show their love in a way that the child will understand, even if it does not feel natural to the parent. The book itself is a little hokey at times, says sort of judgmental things about single parents and working mothers, and makes religious references which might be somewhat off-putting to non-Christians. But in general I thought the advice was good and the underlying idea useful. I find myself thinking in these terms.

Kelly

I don't like this book very much. Gary Chapman co-wrote this book with someone named Ross Campbell, and I have the impression (perhaps the wrong impression) that they are Campbell's parts of the the book that are giving me trouble. Love languages--good. But I have the constant feeling while reading this book that while they are giving with one hand, they are taking everything away with the other. This makes me feel like the love stuff is rather wishy-washy, and the discipline stuff is entirely child centered. Am I using that phrase correctly? In other words, Campbell seems to say that the parent is entirely responsible for the child's behavior, but the only power the parent has to channel that behavior is to use the love languages. Anything else has to be initiated by the child. They've really muddled up my own practice of discipline.I firmly believe that all discipline must arise out of love, and that we as parents have the responsibility of doing what is best for the child in the long run, not just what seems good for the moment. This part of their argument I can agree with. Unconditional love--again, I agree. But there seems to be no way to encourage first-time obedience under Campbell's program, and this bothers me. I don't want to control my child. Far from it. At the same time, he needs to learn how to obey, not because he feels like it, but because it is right to do so. I feel like Campbell's advice takes away any ability I have to train my children in that.

Leah

This is the February 2012, "new look, refreshed content" version of The 5 Love Languages of Children and for sure it's a keeper I'll reread and refer to in the future. "More than one million sold" of previous editions!Like spoken ways of communicating such as Tagalog, Japanese or Russian - though not considering specific regional accents or dialects - love between human parents and children as well as partners and friends has five basic expressions: physical touch; words of affirmation; quality time; gifts; acts of service. What is it about love? Unconditional love provides safety, security, and emotional well-being to a child or to anyone, making them feel loved. Knowing the different love languages people in our lives speak makes relationships easier and helps make those we relate to healthier, more functional and happier members of society, family and world. According to authors Chapman and Campbell, "...a child's need for love is basic to all other needs. Receiving love and learning to give love is the soil out of which all positive endeavors grow." [page 24] I love the metaphor of keeping a person's love tank full! And in order to feel loved, a person needs to be "spoken" to in the language of love they understand best--that particular love language is their "show me!"Unconditional love is not a payback or a bribe and it's interesting to know one can't figure out the primary love language of a child under 5 years old. Also, they're not cast in concrete or set in stone, so be aware your own, your spouses, friend's or child's primary love language may shift and even change with time.This book is from the relatively conservative Christian pub house Moody and though it references scripture, the authors incorporate it subtly and well and I cannot imagine any of it offending anyone who interprets the bible from almost any theological perspective. On page 54, after referencing the Ten Commandments and Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, the authors explain "the supreme law is the law of love." Scriptural mandates us first to love God and then to love neighbor and self... Amen! In Greek, "charis" is the root of grace and of gift.There is a separate chapter for each love language or style with an activity list at the end of each of those five chapters. Practical chapters on discovering your child's primary love language (this would work for anyone you're in ongoing relationship with), discipline, learning, anger, single parent families and marriage related to the five love languages follow. A hopeful epilogue reassures us "what might be is still ahead" and outlines possible ways of tearing down walls poor parenting and negative relationships have built in order to build bridges to new ways of being, healthy ways of loving. Throughout the book the authors scatter brief, highly accessible case study examples of parents and their children. I loved hearing again about Susanna Wesley carefully nurturing all ten of her kids! Those of us in the church are well aware of her well-known preacher sons Samuel, Charles and John, but I hadn't known about her daughter Emilia.The 5 Love Languages of Children is comfortable to hold, clearly typeset in an easy to read serif font, with pullquotes in the margins of many pages highlighting particular concepts. Section headings within each chapter help the reader concentrate on what's next and it's written in very basic English, I'd guess possibly 8th grade level or less, but definitely not "dumbed down" in the least. This is a terrific resource for helping anyone tease out families members' and their own basic language of receiving love, though needless to say, everyone also needs to be loved in the remaining four languages.

Rachel

This book argues that all people feel love in five basic ways, but we each have a primary love language. The best way to make your children feel loved, then, is to figure out what their primary love language is, and give them lots of that, plus regular doses of the other kinds. Obviously this applies to spouses, parents, and anyone else you love too, but this book is mainly about the parent/child relationship. I may decide this book deserves 4 stars after I've had some more time to think about it and try its ideas out. It was really interesting, but also sometimes frustrating. Nick's primary love language is quality time, which I already knew, but it was admittedly nice to see it spelled out here, with suggestions for how to give him what he needs. On the other hand, I would have liked some more specifics on how to make him feel loved without making me feel overwhelmed by his constant presence, but I guess that's something I need to think out consciously myself.

Huda

I liked some of the reviews on this book so I couldn't stand reading its introduction as soon as I got itWell, I finished it Noufa, 2day, as we decided this early morning(;There are two other books; the first one is about the five languages in general and the other is concerned more about the teenagers' but I really believe the one I'm reading is the most important of all. Recommended to all the parents, teachers and those who deal with kids.Ps.ThanQ D.B.D (:

James

In the Evangelical tribe I grew up in, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman provided the idiom to talk about how each us receive and give love. Because of our unique personalities and family of origin, we each have modes of expressing love which is particularly meaningful to us. For some it words of affirmation. Others feel particularly loved when you spend quality time with them. Giving and receiving gifts is another ‘love language.’ Others feel loved through physical touch or acts of service. My love language is gift giving (so keep them coming ;P ). Chapman’s original book has helped countless people understand their own love needs and how to best express love to their mates (and other loved ones) whose ‘love language is often different from their own.I don't typically read ‘spin-off’ books. The fact that there is a Love Language book for singles, men, children, teenagers etc, seems a little too much like “Chicken Soup for the Cat-Lover’s Soul.” It is more of a marketing ploy than something you expect to say something new. But then I am the father of three very different children and thought that The 5 Love Languages of Children would provide me with some insights on how to love my children well. I was pleasantly surprised by what I read inside. This is a great book.While Gary Chapman and his co-author, Ross Campbell, M.D., say that it is impossible to identify a primary love language for kids under the age of five, and warns that love languages can change at various stages, I gained some appreciation for the uniqueness of my three year old needs and some understanding of my five year old. My two-year-old son is still a mystery.Chapman and Campbell devote the first half of this book to describing the five love languages and how to recognize them in your children. In the last half of the book they describe how to discipline children, foster learning and help children manage their anger by responding to them in ways which ‘fill their love language’ when we give direction or correction. They also discuss some of the unique challenges of responding to a child’s love language for single-parent families and how modelling love languages in marriage helps your children.This is a quick read with a lot of insight. Every involved parent loves their children (hopefully!); however not every child feels their parent’s love. This book helps parents understand their children and offers sage advice on how to nurture them in love. My oldest daughter seems to have a primary love language of Quality Time and loves it when you spend time with her. My almost four year old, I would guess has a preference for acts of service. She loves it when you do things for her in a way that her independent older sister never did. This helps me respond with greater patience when she has me help her with something she is quite capable of. And of course Chapman and Campbell also encourage parents to nurture your children to express each of the love languages to others.But the most important chapters for me would be the chapters on discipline, learning and managing anger. My kids are unique with different personalities and I have learned that what works with one kid will not work with the others. Certainly there is a lot I still need to discover about my children but like the original Love Languages book, this gives me some words to talk about it.I recommend this book to parents. It may be a spin-off but it delievers the goods. I give this book four stars. : ★★★★☆Thank you to Moody Publishers for providing me a copy of this book in exchange for this fair and honest review.

Ashley

I think Chapman is onto something real w/ his love language theory. Both of his books I have read have rung very true for me. I was surprised by one of the languages my son seems to relate to, but as I read his description of it, it really seemed to fit.Having said that, I was often frustrated while reading the second half. Maybe I just want things to be easy and for someone to tell me, "This is exactly how to be a good parent." I felt that he'd give some vague suggestion that I wouldn't fully understand, then leave it at that. Many times I wished for further clarification or examples. I also disagree with some points he feels strongly about. That is ok, though. Turns out, not all parents have to be the same.I'm glad I read the book. I hope that I can relate to my kids a bit better now.

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