The Five Love Languages of Teenagers

ISBN: 1881273393
ISBN 13: 9781881273394
By: Gary Chapman

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About this book

The Five Love Languages of Teenagers contains very practical guidance on how to express the teen's primary love language, how to teach them appropriate responsibility, and how to properly handle both parental and teen anger. It is a tangible resource for stemming the tide of violence, immorality, and despair engulfing many teens today.

Reader's Thoughts


Thumbs up! I haven't read any other Chapman books, but understand the concept of the love languages. That being said, I believe this book is much more than a repeat of the same ideas. Teens are a uniquely challenging age! This book clearly outlines the mindset and goals of this stage of development and how it effects attitudes and responses. My role as a parent and their role as emerging adults change so dramatically during this age that I really appreciated the very practical ideas and specific ways to speak a language of love that can actually be received. What could be more important to speak that unique language of love into their hearts at a time when they are naturally moving away? I believe if we as loving parents fail to do this, there are other voices that will take our place to influence our children's hearts. It is not just a "how to" book. Those who are willing to "live out" what is outlined here will change their lives and the lives of their kids. One powerful concept that I learned was the idea of modeling to our teens "mercy". It does not mean rescuing them from consequences or waiving their responsibility, but walking with them through the consequences while accepting their feelings of disappointment & anger without judgment. It means allowing them to fail...with love. Easy to write, hard to do! God Bless all you parents of teens!

Carol Moore

If you have ever had counselling by a reputable counsellor, the information here is not new. However, it is related in such a way as to be amazingly applicable to how you relate to your kids. This book pulled me out of the fire helping me find alternatives for handling teen angst issues I might have handled less successfully otherwise. Must have for parents of teens. Should read it monthly at least. Not sure why I can't keep these concepts more closely at hand.


Loved this book. If you have teens, you need this book. I read the first Love Languages and found it extremely helpful. This is basically the same but it goes into more detail of how to navigate the languages for the unique needs of your teen. For example, if your child's language is physical touch, how do you show that appropriately to your teenager. It helps you understand how best to show that love and then when to back off. I am planning on reading it again so the messages can really sink in.


i am not a christian and i never felt uncomfortable with the religiosity of the book. it is certainly at least worth picking and chosing the parts that speak to you within the book and letting the parts that don't fall away. i enjoyed it and felt the message was about conscious parenting and unconditional love. what parent doesn't need a reminder lesson in that every once in awhile?


To each his own. This is a great book for parents with teenagers. I have two and this book was right on queue. Raising teens in this day and age is difficult, but if you can figure out their love language and fill their tank, you will succeed. Thank you Dr. Chapman!I use this book as a reference guide on a continuing basis.


I read the original 5 Love Languages book and really like the message of the book. I wasn't sure if this one had any more information from the original but it was really worth the read with great insight into the teenage brain. The bottom line is that with teenagers you really need to give them all 5 love languages. Best lesson learned...not to take it personal that they want/need their independence. I also had my girls go on-line and take Gary Chapman's test. The result was mostly what I thought but very interesting.


When I first saw this book I was unsure what to expect. What does love languages mean? But after I started reading it, I discovered that it means a way to show love. Now I have always known that what works for one child might not work for another, but I had not realized that a parent might have to switch gears when a child becomes a teenager. It has helped me on my perception of my relationships with the many teenagers I come across as a high school teacher and as a parent.


Note: This review, as well as many more, can also be found on my blog, The Baking Bookworm ( Review: As you can see from my reading history on GoodReads or on my blog I'm not a big non-fiction reader so it should come as no shock that I didn't happen upon this book by myself. I learned of it from a friend of mine who had read another book in the series and she had quite positive reviews of it. I had never heard of or read any of Chapman's previous "Love Languages" books but the premise intrigued me.As many of you know I have one teen and two tweens at home. Let's just say that the household hormones runneth over. Over the past couple of years as Boy 1 entered teendom I've noticed differences in how we interact with each other and they're not always as positive as I would like. So I was eager to see if this book could give me a clearer view of what being a teen in 2013 is like for my son.Overall, I enjoyed this light read, learned a little and was reminded about a lot of parenting tools that I already had in my parenting arsenal. It reminded me of what it's like to be a teen -- how they feel, think etc and helped me to put some of my feelings/reactions into perspective (like not to feel hurt or put out when my teen wants/needs time to himself and doesn't necessarily want to hang with dear old mom). Deep down I knew that but a little reminder was needed.The notion of Chapman's five love languages is an interesting concept. As I read the book I started to look at my kids differently. Each of my kids have different 'love languages' so I tried, over the past few weeks, to figure out how to reach each them with their unique love languages. Boy 1 is not one for hugs (never has been). To reach him I had to stop using so much Physical Love (one of my main love languages) -- hugs, hair ruffling, kisses on the cheek -- and start using Words of Affirmation to get through to him. He responded to me better and you know what? He's actually become more OK with my occasional hugs. Who knew, right?Now Boy 2 is a different ball of wax all together. Boy 2 truly speaks the love language of Physical Touch with his love of snuggling, hugging 'just cuz' and how he likes to sit close to Brad and I even while just watching TV. It's always been easy for Boy 2 and I to show love because we kind of come from the same love language page, so to speak.Missy Moo's love language is definitely Quality Time. She adores having Brad or I to herself for some one-on-one time. Three different kids, three different ways to show them that I love them. So, by not showing each of my kids love using their own love language I may not have been imparting my love clearly to them. That was an 'a-ha' moment for me. Ultimately, by focusing on what my kids need/want from me I do feel that we have had a much calmer household over the past few weeks.Throughout the book Chapman clearly describes the mindset of teens, how they may be feeling and what they need in order to feel loved during a very emotional and stressful age. He uses a fairly strong Christian base to his teachings with several Biblical/Christian references being made throughout the book. A couple of times it almost took on a preachy vibe but overall I don't think non-Christians will mind the references.Is this the most concise parenting book I’ve read? No. I did find the book overly long for the amount of information that was provided and feel it could have been cut down quite a bit without losing the information given. And while there is good information provided, many of the parenting techniques aren't anything new but can be used to remind parents of things that they knew all along but needed a refresher in.One of the 'refreshers' that I needed was quite simple but made me do a mental forehead smack when I read it. You can't parent a teen the same way you parented them when they were a child. The rules change. The boy who did as he was told as a child is now arguing and pushing boundaries at every turn because he wants to become his own person. Pushing away from Mom and Dad is what's supposed to happen as teens learn to 'go it alone' more and more without Mom and Dad hovering over them to ensure that nothing bad happens. That said, rules and boundaries are just as important now as they were when he was younger. Rules, consequences and boundaries must be set in advance and be clear and consistent so everyone knows what's expected and what will happen if boundaries are crossed. This involves a lot of communication and respect all around. I liked the fact that this book doesn't sugar coat things and encourages parents to allow their kids to feel the consequences of their actions. Mom and Dad don't need to ride in on a white horse to save the day if Junior's decision ends badly. The teens, after making their own decisions, have to face the consequences, good or bad, just as they will when they're adults.I take away from this book a few new tidbits of parenting wisdom to make my parenting arsenal that much stronger. Encouraging independence is something that Brad and I have always done with our kids but as Boy 1 begins to push farther than my comfort zone is comfortable with I can look back at this book and realize that it's OK for me to let go of the reigns (just a little). Allow him to stumble, make decisions (even when I don't agree) and begin to pull away from Brad and I to become his own person. Hard to do but oh so necessary because in the end creating independent, self-sufficient, caring and compassionate adults who know they are loved is the end result of parenting. Recommended.My Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Kathrine Holyoak

The only reason I caught up to this series is because our bookgroup chose it. I surmised the gist of the method but had avoided it, perceiving it too "hocus/pocus, touchy/feely" for my likes. I intended to skim and quickly return it to the library. Imagine my surprise upon discovering parenting stategies that could have been so meaningful years and children ago. My loss, and my family's loss. Chapman has a gift for serving it straight up in a way that is neither belittling or naive. I credit him for his experience and ablility to sort complex issues into realistic application. I enjoyed the book's concrete examples and suggestions vs. abstract theories. With children ages 20, 18, 17 and 12 I walked away from this book a better parent, but not as effective as I could have been reading it a decade ago.


Good reminder that I can't just express love in my language, but I need to express it in the way the receiver needs it. With two teens/tweens, I was surprised to find out that their language isn't MINE! Which would have made it so much easier....*sigh*.And that they are at the brink of trying out their own independence, so even speaking their language might not work if it is seen by them as controling or annoying.


Like the idea of love languages and the quizzes at the back of the book help. Feel like I already do a lot of the ideas, so guess that's a good thing. Quick read...nothing revolutionary.


This book building upon the original while still being a separate read. That is, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers contains very specific and practical guidance on how to express the teen's primary love language, how to teach them appropriate responsibility, and how to properly handle both parental and teen anger. It is a tangible resource for stemming the tide of violence, immorality, and despair engulfing many teens today.


I think this was a really helpful book to read - to try to understand my teenager a little better. I say try, because it's a constant battle. What I didn't like about the book is that most of the things that we battle over - the author relates it to their trying to be in control of their lives, and define themselves as their own person. While I value that, there are times when they still need to do things with their family, or what we ask - just because we ask them to.

Nancy Bandusky

This is an excellent resource for any parent who loves the teens in their lives enough to make sure they feel the love.It includes examples of ways to express the different love languages as well as a simple test for the teen to see which love languages "speak" to them the most.

Emma Lavern

Reader's response, not a summary:It would be wise for every parent to read this book if they have children, whether they be teenagers or adults. Through God's grace I have been set free from my own struggles facing abandonment, rejection, not feeling good enough, not feeling accepted or wanted, etc., through Pastor Paul Coneff's Straight 2 the Heart Ministry. This book clarified everything I did or didn't agree with, everything I saw and understood, my struggle for self-identity, fight for independence, and need to speak. I am fortunate for God's grace and mercy upon me, and I would wish that every parent would read this book before any teenager struggles through what I had to before they hit my age at 22 finally being able to step forward independently and embrace my true identity and appreciation in living. And parents, this would do you well to release you from any blame, shame, and humiliation in your older children as you are offered to accept your own flaws and dogmatic control that you had,and might still have, over them when they were teenagers. This book can only extend grace and blanket with love.

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