To Understand Each Other

ISBN: 066422279X
ISBN 13: 9780664222796
By: Paul Tournier Michel Tournier

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1968 1980 Books Read Pre 2000 Christian Currently Reading Ethics Marriage Psychology Religious Studies Theology To Read To Read Commerce

About this book

When we talk of marriage counseling we think immediately of the extreme cases, of threats to seek divorce, of couples in violent disputes who frequently come to blows, Paul Tournier states. But there are many other couples whose marriages are no less a failure. They live side by side, without hurting one another, but poles apart, because of no real understanding of one another. According to Tournier, the ability to understand each other is what counts in working out marital happiness together. With wisdom and warmth, Tournier suggests ways to achieve this understanding.

Reader's Thoughts


This small book about relationships although from waaaay back in the 1960's contains some advice that is useful to all people still.I particularly appreciated his noting "Those who make a success of their marriage are those who tackle their problems together and who overcome is the very differences in our characters, tastes, habits, prejudices, and convictions which oblige us to a greater effort to understand each other. These in turn lead to further growth in both of us."And his picture of marriage as "an adventure" where "there is complete exchange. Each gives to the other the most precious dimension of his personality, and each gives the other that which was most missing" was encouraging.Lest we think it all our own work Tournier points out the importance of our faith when he observes "A bringing together of faith and marital life is needed, so that faith may bring its incomparable transforming power and its understanding, and so that marital life may attain its fullness." What a great goal...

Ashleigh Hebert

Paul Tournier always emphasizes the importance of private prayer and meditation, and here he shows how crucial it is for closeness in marriage. I gave this book to my friend Hannah Griffith, and wish I could find more copies to give to my other married friends.

خدمة المشورة

مدهش تورنييه هذا.متاح في مكتبتنا بالعربي للاستعارة والاطلاعhttp://www.arabic-christian-counselin...


found this book yesterday on my parents bookshelf. Apparently my grandma and grandpa gave it to my dad, I assume when my mom and dad were newlyweds.

Ms. Portia P.

I had to remind myself of the age of this book (copyright 1967) both to endure the blatant gender stereotypes of what WAS considered typical male and female roles back in the day, but also because the advice given by author Paul Tournier is indeed timeless! This is a perfect book for you if you struggle with communication issues in ANY of your relationships but especially in marriage.Tournier as I see it, identifies four absolutes necessary in rendering constructive communication that lends to being understood:1. Having and maintaining an open willingness to learn about the other2. Establishing a safe environment to open up and share (mentally in your own thoughts and verbally how one reacts to what is being shared)3. Sharing frankness of honest feelings and thoughts4. Listening attentively (without interruption) especially when topics are sensitive or may trigger hurts resulting in defensivenessHe further purports that women are more inclined to desire being supported while men need to feel accepted in order for either to understood eachother these fundamentals need to first be addressed.My favorite quotes from the book are:"There is no greater sin than that of flattering oneself on one's moral virtues, or of believing oneself to be exempt of the faults which one condemns in others.""Every person who sincerely draws close to his neighbor becomes an instrument of divine love."Essentially, the book reminds us that when we feel understood, we feel listened to and in turn - fully loved..

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